/------------\_______________________ |. \ \_ .| |________________________________ / | _______ _______ | | | \ / | | | |_______ / \ _______| | | /||\ | \_ | || | _/ | - - | | |_||_||_||_||_||_| | \ :_ _ _ _ _ _: / \ | || || || || || | / :__________________: LL EEEE GGGGGG IIIII OOO NN NN DDDD OOO OOO MM MM LL EE GG I O O NNN NN O DD DD O O O O MMM MMM LL EEEE GG GGG I O O NN N NN DD DD O O O O MM MM MM LL EE GG GG I O O NN N NN F DD DD O O O O MM MM LLLL EEEE GGGGGGG IIIII OOO NN NNN DDDD OOO OOO MM MM ========================= * * * Legion of Doom FAQ * * * * * * * * Version 3.0 * * * * * ========================= _F_requently _A_sked _Q_uestions about the Legion of Doom. --- I. What is the Legion of Doom? A.Declaration of Principles B.Breakdown of departments & Branches C.Information about departments and branches D.Brief description of ranking system & promotions E.Why we are the Legion of Doom II. Who is in the Legion of Doom? A.List of people in the Legion of Doom III. How do I join the Legion of Doom? A.Necassary qualifications B.How NOT to get into the Legion of Doom IV. Who does the Legion of Doom support and who do they oppose? A.Qualifications to be supported by the Legion of Doom B.Qualifications to NOT be supported by the Legion of Doom V. What is official to the Legion of Doom? A.Official "things" of the Legion of Doom VI. What makes the Legion of Doom different? A.What makes the Legion of Doom different than other Jihaddi groups B.Why we are different Appendix A -Legion of Doom policy and Constitution Appendix B -Music groups proven to de-spongify Appendix C -How to obtain more information on the JIHAD and the Legion of Doom Appendix D -A partial list of files you can obtain from the Legion of Doom ============================================================================ The first two revisions of this FAQ were composed entirely by Legion Sub-Commander IronMan. The (3rd) revision has been co-written with Legion Commander Sandman and Special Operative Neon Wizard. This is the 4th. ============================================================================ I. WHAT IS THE LEGION OF DOOM? The Legion of Doom was formed in February, 1994 as a Cleveland-based (but not limited to) Jihaddi organization dedicated to the sole purpose of irradicating the childrens' show menace that is the most foul, B'harnee. The Legion of Doom is just as equally opposed to his followers, as they are a means to spread his evil. We do fully support those who oppose the purple pedophile and being a member of the JIHAD, we support all of it's members. These and all other policies are addressed in the Legion of Doom Constitution. The Legion of Doom consists of several departments. At present they are: ******** ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- N.O.R.A.D.-Standard military functions. (Northern Opposition and Resistance Against the Dark one) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Southeast Wolverine Guerilla Band-Legion of Doom Covert Ops.&special forces. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- R&D-Research and Developement ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The High Council-The decision making body of the Legion of Doom. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Recruiting Dept.-The department that gets new recruits. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Legion Intelligence-Our intelligence branch that gives us most of our info. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- De-Spongification-Our department that helps spongies return to life. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ******** Most of these departments are availible to new recruits, but some are only availible by promotion or invitation. N.O.R.A.D. was created to be the Legion of Doom's main military force. It is composed of Brendan Scallon, Corporal Shadow Killer, Lieutennant Cyclops, and Private First Class Zypr. This part of the Legion is commanded by Commander Sandman. The Southeast Wolverine Guerilla Band is also a military organization. It was the idea of Sub-Commander IronMan to start this division as the covert ops. unit of the Legion of Doom, to contain the best of the Legion of Doom's soldiers and officers. Legion Sub-Commander IronMan is the Director and commanding General of this group. It consists of Sub-Commander IronMan, Strike General ShredFan, and four other members with classified Id's and addresses. You may have seen some of them on a.b.d4 before. The Research and Development department has a very obvious objective. Research and development of things the Legion of Doom will use in the Holy War. Rob Fisher is the head of this department. The Legion of Doom High Council is a commitee type group that makes all the major decisions for the Legion of Doom. The council is currently made up of Legion Commander Sandman, Legion Sub-Commander IronMan, and Strike General ShredFan. Members of the Legion of Doom are admitted to the High Council by decision of the High Council. The Recruiting Dept. Is currently vacant. The last Officer in Charge of recruits was given a Dishonorable discharge from the Legion of Doom. Legion Intelligence is our (obviously) intelligence division. It is a hybrid of the U.S. CIA and Secret Service. The main goal of this department is the collection of information. However, Operatives are given some military privleges, and a License to Kill. The director of Legion Intelligence is Sub-Commander IronMan. The operatives are Special Operative Neon Wizard, and S.O. Zeppelin. De-Spongification is our department for (again, obviously) helping s-m's return to normal life through therapy, a good backhanded slap, and Unhealthy Sancks (TM). It also serves to provide Jihaddi with supplies and other thing that those with a Functioning Cerebrum (TM) the things they need to stay immune to the Lyran Hellwyrm. This dept.'s director is Special Operative Neon Wizard. Corporal Most Holy OCD, Corporal Bo Handler, and Corporal TRAY are also part of this dept. **************** The Legion of Doom handles promotions in a very simple way. If you do a good job, you get promoted, if you don't you won't and if you cause trouble or problems, you can get demoted or excommunicated. Fairly simple. We do promote according to results, in order to reward and encourage a good standard of operations. The reason we are the Legion of Doom, first off, has nothing to do with the popular 3d kill-everything-that-moves game, DOOM. (Although we are thinking about making it our official game.) The "Doom" in Legion of Doom means "Destruction Of Opposing Minions" This, of course refers to B'horny's mindless followers. II. WHO IS IN THE LEGION OF DOOM? =======Name and rank============E-mail address=========================== Legion Commander Sandman |sandman@legiondoom.win.net Legion Sub-Commander IronMan |IRONMAN1234@delphi.com/IronMan820@aol.com Acting S-C Brendan Scallon |scallon@uiuc.edu Strike General ShredFan |ShredFan@aol.com Special Operative Neon Wizard |renk0006@gold.tc.umn.edu/NeonWizard@aol.com Special Operative Zeppelin |(Net Access removed) Lieutennant Cyclops |cyclops480@aol.com (formerly Lt. Superboy.) Lieutennant Zypr |Zypr@aol.com Corporal Shadow Killer |LordSven@aol.com Corporal Most Holy OCD |mostholy@nextsrv.cas.muohio.edu Corporal Bo Handler |kmartin@muskingum.edu Corporal TRAY |gnfms@academic.stu.StThomasU.ca Rob Fisher |fisher@godot.radonc.unc.edu ========================================================================= NOTE: Some members of L.O.D. with classified identities have not been listed here. III. HOW DO I JOIN THE LEGION OF DOOM? To join us, you must have the necassary qualifications to apply. You must also ask a member of the Legion of Doom for an application, get in by referral, or be recruited by someone. If you are reading this, you will most likely qualify since these qualifications only weed out sponge-minions. IV. Qualifications ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- *You MUST have a severe hatred or dislike for B'harnei ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- *You MUST agree with the JIHAD in all matters concerning B'harnee's destruction. (Not real hard.) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- *You MUST be able to take orders (even if you don't like them) from superior officers in the Legion of Doom. (Not real hard either.) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- *You will need to complete a standardized application form. (see appendix C) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- If you qualify under the following points, you may not join the Legion of Doom and you will be considered an enemy of the Legion of Doom. *You follow and agree with B'harnee (shudder) *You oppose the JIHAD (BIG mistake) *You do not agree with or you oppose the Legion of Doom (another BIG mistake) *You claim to follow the JIHAD and you follow B'harnee (not a bright idea) V. WHAT IS OFFICIAL TO THE LEGION OF DOOM? Official colors: Black, Blacker, and blackest. (Why? Because we do a lot of covert ops. and having our uniforms black helps, not to mention that it just looks cool and we'll always be ready for B'harnee's funeral.) :) Official emblem: A skull wearing a black beret. (Ask for the bitmap) Official slogan: E Pluribus Destructum, E Pluribus Despongifum. Official Motto: We'd tell you, but then we'd have to kill you. :) Official High Council tie breaker: The magic 8-ball. Official Unhealthy Snacks (tm): McDonalds, or any other fast food chain. If you want to have something _really_ unhealthy, just go to your local greasy spoon and ask for the special. (We kinda like Doug's Dinner Bucket. [Yes, it is a real place.]) Official enemies: B'harnee, QVC, HBC, PBS, the Minescule Morphine-sucking Flower Minions, EPA, Health food junkies, Richard Simmons, politicians, alt.bigfoot, and sponge minions. VI. WHAT MAKES THE LEGION OF DOOM DIFFERENT? It's hard to tell any difference between Jihaddi groups, besides the obvious. What makes the Legion of Doom different, for starters is our foundation of most questions and principles on Rock and Metal. (We mean music, for our mentally impaired readers. >:-| ) Why are we different? Because we are. Enough said. ============================================================================ APPANDIX A ******************* ***************************** Table of Contents *************************** ******************* TABLE OF CONTENTS: (A) paragraphs a1: General statement of the Legion of Doom's purpose a2: Policy on Sponge-Minions a3: Admittance to the Legion of Doom w/ functioning cerebrum(tm) s1:Promotions (B) paragraphs b1: Dealings with other members of the JIHAD s1:Dealings with false Jihaddi people & orgs. b2: Dealings with those unaware of the Holy War (C) paragraphs c1: De-Spongification s1:De-Spongification Diet s2:Statemant on necessity of De-Spongification (D) paragraphs d1: The Color Purple (E) paragraphs e1: Policy on the Jihaddi Government (F) paragraphs f1: Military Policy s1:Innocent Bystanders s2:Reasons for Military Action s3:Chain of Command s4:Functions of the Military s5:Commanding Officers s6:Geneva Convention (rules of war statement) (G) paragraphs g1: How the Legion of Doom is Ruled s1:The High Council s1:High Council Layout s2:Lower High Council Members g2: Military Decisions (H) paragraphs h1: Rules of this Document APPENDIX B ***************************** ************************ Legion of Doom Constitution ********************** ***************************** LEGION OF DOOM POLICY: (a1) The Legion of Doom is an organization dedicated to ridding the Earth of the purple plague, which is B*rn*y's teachings and influence. The destruction of the beast is our primary mission. Second to that would be de-spongifying those that have been infected with B'harne's tripe (who we call Sponge-Minions) and destroying them if help cannot be given. The evil teachings are considered dangerous and will be irradicated in the future. (a2) We do not accept, nor deal with those who follow yenrab in a freindly manner. As mentioned above, we treat the infected person(s) as a walking emergency. They will be either A) de-spongified, or B) Irradicated. We prefer to de-spongify, if possible, but the reality is that some have been totally enveloped by the purple saurian from hell. We do deal with converts, or those who once followed the most foul. There are several examples of people who have successfully recovered and led productive lives. (a3) As for those who have funcioning cerebrums(tm) to begin with, we treat these individuals like any other person, because they are. Someone with a functioning cerebrum(tm) IS the majority of the population. All state and federal equal opportunity laws apply to the Legion of Doom, except for those that can get us sued. (a3s1) For those who are in the Legion of Doom, productivity and loyalty equals promotion. Slacking off and insubordination equals demotion or excommunication. (The slacking part only applies to given orders. We take pride in the ability of humans to slack off and enjoy life.) The Legion of Doom High Council (which makes all the decisions) reserves the right to hold back on a promotion for reasons that they deem necassary. (ie: the affected person(s) is best for his/her current position, etc.) *********** (b1) The official Legion of Doom policy on other members of the JIHAD is this: we all work towards the same goal, under the same government, and almost always agree with each other. We work hard to aid fellow Jihaddi, and haters of B'harni in general. The Legion of Doom fully agrees with the notion that there is only ONE Jihad, and there will be only ONE Jihad until yenrab is dead. We also conclude that the JIHAD will function better acting as one undivided unit. This does not in any way denote a system with only one faction of the JIHAD, but that the many factions that make up the JIHAD will function as one. (b1s1) Our policy on supposed haters of the purple hellspawn that do not accept or associate with the true Jihad is the following: if the above mentioned groups or individuals cannot comply with the policies of the JIHAD, they do not truly hate the evil one. The way of the JIHAD is the only way. The ones that do not accept it will be dealt with like any other sponge-minion. (b2) For groups or individuals who are unaware of the Holy War, we present only the pure and unaltered facts about both sides. If upon hearing what we tell them, they do not accept that B'harne is evil, the de-spongification process will be executed on the person(s) involved. One of our main objectives is to let the population of the third planet from the sun know what evil lurks in the heart of the devil's head minion, B*rney. We do this in a non-hostile way, if possible. If necassary, force will be authorized. *************** (c1) De-spongification is one of the areas of our expertise that is also very enjoyable. De-spongification usually consists of large doses of hard rock, classic rock, metal, and alternative forms of music. (see appendix B for new bands not included in the FAQ that are proven to work.)Upon listening to the above mentioned music, most subjects will show signs of rejection the sugar-coated, false, unrealistic, and evil teachings of the beast. To further supplement the recovery process, dietary alterations should be made. (see sub-paragraph 1 below) (c1s1) Among the known food and beverage products known to help de-spongify are: Jolt Cola(tm), Oreos(tm), Moosehead Beer(tm), Twinkies(tm), SPAM(tm), McDonalds'(tm) burgers & fries, etc. Generally, anything that he who is too disgusting to behold thinks is unhealthy will work. These are just some of the best examples. (c1s2) One of our beliefs is that de-spongification is a very critical step towards healing the world's affliction, more commonly known as B*rn*y. When his powers over the weaker minds of this planet are lifted, he will be rejected immediately. We also believe that if we were to destroy all those who have been infected by the purple plague instead of healing them, the world would lose to many people, whom upon the restoring of thier minds, could contribute in a positive way to society. ************ (d1) It is also probably necassary to mention the color purple here. The official policy of the Legion of Doom is that the color of purple is not evil. Unfortunately, the evil one himself has assumed that color as his own and thus, has ruined it. Through history, the color purple has symbolized royalty. It is also part of Jimmy Hendrix's "Purple Haze", which is one of rock's greatest songs, coming from one of rock's greatest singer/songwritter /guitarists of all time. People are often seen wearing purple sport coats, and grape is one of the most popular flavors of slush at most ice cream stands. Many hot rods and legal street racers have donned the color purple after having the body panels modified. Even the Doberman Empire's official diety, Grimace, is purple. If we were to condemn the color purple as a whole, everything in paragraph d1 would be destroyed. This cannot happen. The most foul does not resemble the color, and the color does not resemble the most foul. ************ (e1) The Legion of Doom fully supports the Jihaddi government and the principles upon which it is based. We support all government activities and decisions, as we are a part of it. We take a hostile attitude to all those who do not support it as well. Dealings with these deviants will be held in the form of civil discussion. ************ (f1) The Legion of Doom is capable of military intervention. We maintain several policies on the use of military force. These policies are designed to protect the general public, to make the military structure run more efficiently, and promote the success of any military campaign. They are as follows: (f1s1) We do not approve of, nor allow the invasion or fracturing of innocent bystander's rights. This is to ensure that no Legion forces will cause any trouble with those not targeted for termination. (f1s2) We do not target people for personal reasons, political reasons, or any others that do not justify termination. The only reason we resort to military intervention is when de-spongification is not an option, and when it is necassary to prevent the further spread of B'harnee's teachings. (f1s3) The Legion of Doom has a tight chain of command. Lower ranking officers will report to thier immediate superiors or supervisors to reach the top levels of command. This is to lessen the already heavy workload on high ranking officers. To prevent any and all forms of beaurocracy, _ALL_ applicable information, complaints, questions, etc. will be given to the designated officials. (f1s4) The military is for aggresive purposes only. It is not used for any civillian activities. Troops and officers may participate in peacetime activities, but may not perform military functions without orders. This directive is to ensure that the military is not used for display or show of power. (The power will be shown in combat. [evil grin]) (f1s5) The commanding officer is empowered to use his/her personal judgement on the battlefield. The highest commanding officer designated to the task in question is given the final word. When that person or persons is not available, the highest commanding officer is responsible for decision making. Good and bad consequences will be given from the high council on these decisions. (f1s6) The Legion of Doom fully supports and practices the rules of war as stated by the Geneva convention. ************ (g1) The Legion of Doom will be ruled as follows in the next section. (g1s1) The High Council will be the chief decision making body in the Legion of Doom as long as it exists. It will always consist of all the officers that the top two ranking commanders appoint. Sessions will be held as necassary and decisions will be made by vote. In case of a tie, voting will take place a second time. After another tie, the highest ranking official in the meeting will cast a second vote. He may pass on the ability to vote twice to the next highest official, and it may continue down the ranks of those at the meeting. (g1s1ss1) The High Council will be set up as the executive department of the U.S., and not in a parliamentary way. (voting will still occur, but gridlock and beaurocracy will NOT be tolerated.) The highest ranking individual in the Legion of Doom will act as the leader (or president) and the 2nd in command will be just that. These two individuals will decide what is to be voted on. If they cannot agree on that, it will automatically be voted on. (g1s1ss2) Individuals in the High Council other than the 1st and 2nd in command will act as department heads and represent thier dept. (g1s2) Military decisions will be decided on by the High Council, unless a high ranking officer is given the responsibility. An officer is to be given the responsibility unless it is in the better interest of the Legion of Doom for the High Council to do so. Decisions will be dealt with as described in paragraph f1 and all the adjoining sub-paragraphs. *********** (h1) The Legion of Doom High Council has ratified this document as the constitution of the Legion of Doom. Nobody but the High Council may add or take away from this document or it's appendices. All who read this may not use this in any way but to read it unless given special permission. This document may distributed freely in it's unaltered form. *********** ============================================================================ ***************** ****************************** Appendix (B) ***************************** ***************** APPENDIX TO THE CONSTITUTION: These are the before mentioned bands that have been proven to reduce B'harni's spongifying effects dramaticly. Most were not mentioned in the official JIHAD FAQ. They are: Led Zepplin Van Halen AC/DC Black Sabbath Metallica Jimi Hendrix MSG Nirvana Soundgarden (Superunknown hasn't worked very well.) BioHazard Pantera Def Leopard Sammy Haggar (Unboxed hasn't worked too well, either.) Joe Satriani Cream Motley Crue (The new Motley Crue has had comparable results, but not as good as the old group. You can figure that one out.) ZZ Top GWAR Kiss Anthrax Killers Ronnie James Dio (His old band, Rainbow works pretty good too.) Randy Rhoads (With or without Ozzy) Ozzy Ozbourne Nazareth Rollins Band Deep Purple Body Count Jackyl Steve Vai Montross Ted Nugent Out of the Blue (a local band that's going national soon.) Testament Dangerous Toys Dire Straits Cinderella Neil Young ("Sleeps with Angels" shows minimal resilts.) Kid Wicked Saigon Kick Kix Extreme Judas Preist Fight (Mixed results.) Flotsom & Jetsom Overkill Steel Heart The Poor Twisted Sister Suicidal Tendancies Infectious Grooves Slaughter Iron Maiden Ugly Kid Joe Skid Row Tora Tora Bullet Boys Dream Theater Tesla Rush Queensryche The Kult Rage Against the Machine Boston Bad Company (Their old songs work very well, but later songs haven't.) Sabotage Stone Temple Pilots Armored Saint Quiet Riot Bonham Kingdom Come Dawken (Always wondered how he spelled that.) Alice Cooper (Pre-'85 material) Alice in Chains Corrosion of Conformity Course of Empire Widowmaker (their new album was a HUGE improvement over their first.) Beastie Boys The Scorpions (Particurally the Face the Heat album.) King's X Fastway Pearl Jam Live Voivods Devo Phantom Blue Slaughter Anything Tipper Gore hates <> In addition to the bands mentioned in the FAQ, these are the bands that are the most proven means for de-spongification. Best results can be acheived at intensely high volume levels. Do not allow the subject to cover his/her ears or scream. They may not hear it if you are using a 300watt or less stereo amp. We recomend wattage towards 490, or 500. ============================================================================ APPENDIX C For information about the Legion of Doom or the JIHAD that was not included in this FAQ, all you have to do is ask a member of the Legion of Doom. Here is a list of some of the additional information we have: 1. The official JIHAD FAQ 2. An application form for entry into the Legion of Doom 3. A separate copy of the Legion of Doom Policy statement and Constitution 4. Documents such as the Jihad Ten Commandments 5. The Threefold Truth 6. The Corallary Politic 7. The FAQs to most other JIHAD organizations ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Appendix D This is a partial list of some of the files the Legion of Doom has availible to the public. 1. MKNOA.ZIP - A bitmap of the evil one in Mortal Kombat. 2. BARNWOLF.ZIP - A *.wav file of B'harnee singing his evil and being *rudely* interrupted. 3. BKILL.ZIP - An anti-Yenrab game for Windows that lets you torch the hellwyrm with your match-lite instant striking matches. 4. Killbarn.zip - A Windows game that lets you kill the molestasaur before he gets to the population. 5. BKILL2.ZIP - The sequel to Bkill, and one of the best anti-B'harnee games ever. Includes .wav files from the likes of St.s Beavis and Butthead. 6. BarneyII.zip - The Terminator vs. B'harnee patch for ZZT. 7. BARNDOOM.zip - A patch for DOOM that turns the pink demons into he who is too disgusting to behold. 8. BDOOM.zip - Another patch for doom that turns the Barons from hell into the real baron of hell. 9. Several ANSI pictures about the Legion of Doom and the evil of B@rn*y. 10. PLENTY of WAV's, MOD's, MIDI's, and other sound files. 11. Mapconv.zip & Doom1-2.zip - A utility for converting DOOM 1 patches to work with DOOM ][ ============================================================================ This has been a Legion of Doom (TM) production. All rights reserved. Don't Fuck it up. ============================================================================ -Legion Commander Sandman, Ruler of the Legion High Council, Representitive to the Jihaddi Government, for the Legion of Doom. "Desparational red line, call it... Heavy Metal Noise!"-Sammy Haggar