.                         
3THE THIRD WORLD PAKI CHARTS

Theme Song (to be sung to the chorus of Jay-Z's "Ain't No")

Ain't no Paki like the one I've got
No one eats curry better
Runs the 7-11 and stinks a lot       
Has enough back hair to make a sweater

* Note: To skip this section, just do a Find "*****"

        Well it's been an awfully long while since a monthly chart has come
out for our perusal, and since we live in a country whose national sport is
seeing how much Ganges River water one can drink before dying from it (the
current record is 1 sip, held by 60 million people), we decided to bring you
one.  With any luck, and provided it's not Ramadan, we'll try to stop praying
for long enough each day to bring you this report on a monthly basis.  If you
should disagree with the opinions expressed in here, please forgive us poor
Pakis, we're undernourished and not terribly bright.

        So now we suppose you're wondering what to find in here besides our
piss poor attempts at humor, eh?  You can expected to find a report of titles
released each month, in addition to a short appraisal of each, sorted by
the group who released it.  As an added bonus, which some people we're sure
will find to their dislike, our team of experts (whose past credits include
telling Saddam Hussein "Sure, invade Kuwait, no one will notice!") will 
provide you with a rundown of each group's activity including comparisons
with past performance and predictions for the future.  Good news for some,
very bad for others, though we won't mention any names like Razor or Paradigm.  

        Groups tend to breed like Pakis, er rats, and as there's only so many
seconds per day that Pakis are allowed to have free thought (though we sneak
extra time when we take whizzes behind the tent) we'll only recognize the 
top 5 groups.  Currently these groups are: Razor, Hybrid, Class, Paradigm,
Reflux/Celebre.  Why do we recognize these?  Because we're stupid Pakis that's
why.  It is to be hoped that this recognition won't go to some people's heads
*cough* Reflux *cough* because even us Pakis are digusted how poor some of 
these 5 groups are, which just reflects the current level of the scene, blah 
blah blah.

        How do we rate games you say?  Normally we let the camels choose the
pick of the litter, but for now we'll go by the following system:

* GROUND RULES *

1. In regards to assigning credit, the rule is FIRST COMPLETE, WORKING, 
   CRACKED version wins.  This is not to say that SUBST is not a viable way
   of getting a release out.  In the case of a race, however, where two
   groups put up a title within 1 hour or so of each other, if one is cracked
   and the other is a subst, the cracked one gets credit.  It is to be hoped
   that this will remind half the idiotic groups out there about the rules
   they agreed to.

2. Betas.  Some people dislike them, others don't.  Here's how we define a
   beta, and we'll deal with it in the following manner.  A Beta = If a 
   program is different from the version you buy on a store shelf, guess what,
   it's a beta (despite fervent claims that this is not the right way to
   define beta, it's been the right way for 8 years, and us Pakis don't
   break with tradition...oops, forgot to put on my turban).  If a group is
   forthright about it, and puts that a game is a beta in their .NFO and .DIZ
   they get half the credit that the full title would have gotten.  Should
   a group decide it's best to pull the wool over our eyes, they get the
   acclaimed Razor "it's final just not the store final" award and 1/10 
   of the points that the full title would get.  If a group releases a
   final version, PROVIDED THEY HAVE SUFFICIENT PROOF (File size differences, 
   especially in the .EXE as well as any other obvious differences in gameplay, 
   such as the addition of multiplayer, etc will be sufficient proof)
   to justify the final, they are awarded the same points as would be given 
   to a previously unreleased title.

3. The disk limit is set at 50 1.44 Meg Disks.  Go over it, and us Pakis will
   not only bestow upon you the Paradigm "quality not quantity, rip not rape,
   good games need no limit" award, which is a little golden statue depicting
   a pile of shit upon a pedestal, we will also give you 20 NEGATIVE POINTS to
   be subtracted from your monthly total and a big fuck you.  The limit is 50, 
   5-0 (even us Pakis can count this high), and since it was set by all 
   groups, much to their chagrin now we're sure, breaking it results in a 
   heinous act of stupidity and lameness.  The fleas of a thousand camels 
   will find your tent as punishment.

4. Addons are legit releases in the following case ONLY.  If the company who
   makes the game made the addon, it counts just like any other game.  For
   example, the Steel Panthers Campaign disk by SSI is for the game Steel 
   Panthers, also made by SSI, thus it gets credit.  70 More Levels of Warcraft 
   is made by Lame Pakis, Inc for the game Warcraft from Blizzard, thus it does
   not get credit.  Scenario disks have always been legit, the fact that 
   nowadays they are 10 disks instead of 1 changes nothing, despite what
   lame asses would like you to believe.

5. Games that are for MMX, special 3D FX cards, etc are NOT legit releases.
   Put one out, get -1 points, and understand there is a reason real groups
   pass on them.  Even Pakis, as dirty and foul as we are after a day in 
   New Delhi in 100 degree weather, find putting one out is disgusting.

6. Sound, Video, etc Addons get NO points.  You get one release per CD,
   that's all.

* RATING SYSTEM *

        You're not all going to agree with this, and we don't care.  We
can't please everyone, and if you get angry with us, we'll just commence
passive resistance by sitting on your lawn and stinking up the place.  People
have different opinions of what the "big" games are, what the "big" companies
are, etc.  You will have to trust our judgement, even if we are stupid sand
crawlers.

1. A previously unreleased game will receive between 1 - 10 points, depending
   on how "big" a title something is.  This is a measure of how good a game
   we believe it is, how expected a title by gamers it is, and by how big the
   company who made it is.  We are Paki-Americans, so if some title like 
   "Ultimate Soccer Manager '96-'97 Swedish League Deluxe Edition" is big in 
   Europe and we give it minimal points, deal with it.  If it ever appears
   in this country, it will be 2 years later and in the bargain bin.

2. We give bonuses for good ripping!  If a game is less than 20 disks, it
   gets a 1 point bonus.  If a game is less than 10 disks, it gets a 2 point
   bonus.  These bonus points cannot be used, however, to upset the #1 group.
   To give an example, let's say Class is ranked as #2, having put out 10 
   unreleased card games at 4 disks a piece.  They score a 70 + 20 bonus 
   points for a total of 90.  If Razor, ranked at #1, put out 10 unreleased 
   games, all of which were over 20 disks, and scored an 80 total (since they 
   got no bonus points), they still win, since the actual scores are 
   Class 70, Razor 80.  Why do we do it this way?  Not all games can be 
   ripped below a certain level, simply because they are so big, and since 
   the groups don't program them, they shouldn't get penalized.  What good 
   are the points then?  They can be used to upset any other rank than #1.
   If Class had been ranked #3 without bonus points and Razor #2, Class would
   have gained the #2 spot.  We feel most ranks are inconsequential compared
   to #1.

3. Final versions get the same points as unreleased versions, betas get 1/2 or 
   1/10 the points depending on the situation as we mentioned before.
                                                       
4. Trainers, Cheats, and anything else that is a really big help to 
   incompetent Pakis like us will get 1 point.

5. Two points will be subtracted for every NECESSARY fix.  A fix to play
   something multiplayer, though it runs fine for 100 single missions, is
   not considered necessary.  Something like patching a CD Check that pops
   up after every level IS.

******************************************************************************
Let's Begin, Shall We?*
***********************

RUMORS: The Current Scene Rumor Section

- Operation Cyberstrike is not over, merely in the phase where they are
  checking up on information given to the FBI by "narqs."  We cry because
  the government of all countries frowns upon Pakis of any sort, and the 
  FBI is here to steal our curry.

- China Blue of Paradigm has entered into retirement...we cry cause she's 
  really a Paki.

- The Renegade Chemist, despite claims of denial, has joined Hybrid.  His
  girlfriend apparently has nicknamed him "Jungle Butt."  We rejoice in
  his exposure as an in the closet Paki, as Pakis have many rectal follicles 
  as well.

- Mad Turnip comes out of "retirement."  This would make, oh, say, the 16th 
  time.  Obviously to the English, retirement means "we'll put out more after
  a 2 day binge on fish and chips."  Despite England's national product, the
  Spice Girls, we find it hard to be sympathetic to Mad Turnip, as he is 
  guilty for his people's crimes against our brethren in India.  Shame on 
  you.

- Celebre's main source of European games has been neutralized.  Um, we
  scratch our heads on this one, since even us Pakis realize no one plays
  European games.  This being the case, we're pretty neutral on the subject.

- Menion Leah of Paradigm has retired from the scene.  Us Pakis believe that
  about as much as we believe that he's not a lamer.  In other words, like
  fleas on a camel, he'll be back.

- TRSI is reforming, incorporating such old time stars as Oliver Stoned and
  Drunken Rom.  Well, make that Drunken, OS never did much.  But us Pakis 
  find German accents to be pretty funny as they are pleased to be having
  much trouble speaking English as well as Pakis, effendi, so this is a 
  good thing, no?

- The Punisher of Razor is a woman.  Wait, this isn't the facts section.  Make
  sure you erase this part before we put the review out, Punjab.

- The Paradigm/Razor split was a painful one.  We'd hate to share a tent
  with members of both groups in it at the same time.

- Irakis of Backlash has released the first Win95 trainer in scene history,
  one for Command & Conquer Gold.  Salam to him for this kick ass effort!

- Faceless of Class has returned to Razor.  We Pakis scratch our heads at
  the puzzling behavior, as this makes the billionth time someone leaves Razor
  then goes back, then leaves, then goes back, then leaves, then ....

MONTHLY HIGHLITS: Interesting Episodes

- The release of Kick Off '97 was a much debated thing.  We Pakis will give
  you our take on the matter.  Hybrid begins uploading Kick Off '97.  Reflux
  sees this happening so uploads an UNCRACKED version.  Upon seeing what they
  do not know is a nonworking version completed befored HBDs, several siteops
  nuke the HBD version, and HBD stops upping because of this.  This is what
  we Pakis call "spiking the curry."  Hybrid gets the credit, and that was an 
  easy decision.

- The release of Pod was another debated thing.  Hybrid began putting it up,
  but for whatever reasons was missing disk 16.  Meanwhile Class began upload
  and their version completed while HBDs was still incomplete.  First COMPLETE,
  working, cracked version gets credit, thus Class gets the points.  Open
  and shut case.

- It was stated in some minirip that Fallen Haven from Celebre was a beta.
  We might be uneducated and suffering from many diseases, but our eyeballs
  still work.  With no proof of this presented, we can only assign it credit
  as a final.

- Hybrid takes it upon themselves to go where no other groups (or Pakis) have
  dared to go before, putting out an MMX only game, which other groups swear
  they passed on.  We tend to believe them.  Very Pakilike of you to put that
  out Hybrid..in short, it stinks.

- Razor renounces the SPA limits (50 Disks) it agreed to, thereby admitting
  they lied and are desperate to get recognition, so they must put out games
  others will not.  And we thought Pakis were the lowest form of life on
  earth, yeesh.

- Hybrid reveals a secret agreement with Razor to "up the limit to 65 disks
  on major titles."  Who decides these titles?  Even Allah does not know. Too
  bad this is totally against the 50 disk limit they proposed to uphold. Us
  Pakis seem to be climbing the social charts pretty fast.  We'll make room
  in the gutters of Pakistan for the HBD members that will soon be joining us.

- Hybrid and Paradigm race on Theme Hospital.  Paradigm has first, working,
  complete version.  Once again, open and shut case.

- Let's discuss the release of Darklight Conflict.  Hybrid ups a version
  that many people confirm doesn't work.  Reflux puts it out later, and it
  does not work either.  Both groups release a fix.  THis is the ultimate in
  stupidity folks, a spectacle even Pakis laugh at.  Our camel decided to
  chew on the Hybrid version, so we'll give them credit.  Theirs was up first,
  and anyone who releases a WORKING version that needs a fix deserves to
  be in Razor or some other fitting prize for being just plain dumb.

RELEASES: All the info a Paki could ever want

* NOTE  - While not officially recognized as a top five group, Celebre put
          out more than some of the other top 5 groups so gets to make an
          appearance this month.

    Key: NEW - Unreleased new title
         FIN - Final version
         ADD - Addon/Expansion Disk
         TRN - Trainer
         CHT - Cheat
         FIX - Fix
         DUP - Duplicate, No Credit Given
         BET - Beta
         LAM - Lame : 3DFX/MMX Stuff
         CRP - Crap : Lame Program Expansion (Video Addon, etc)
         SHT - Shit : Over the Limit Stuff

_/(._______________/(__ ,______________)\
 \    .    /     ./ .  \/.  _____/  ____/
 :   /____/   __/   |  .\      \      \
 |,  |    \. .-'-\__:  .\\--'  /---'  /
 \\_______/________/_____/___,/_____,/tx!
______________________________________________________________________________
|Release Name              Company           Status   Size   Points   Bonus  |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Airline Simulator '97   Lago                 NEW!     05       3        2
 ATF Gold                Electronic Arts      NEW!     41       8
 ID4                     Fox Interactive      NEW!     13       8        1
 Imperium Galactica      GT Interactive       NEW!     18       7        1
 iM1A2 Abrams            Interactive Magic    NEW!     48       8    
 Krush Kill 'N Destroy   Electronic Arts      NEW!     16       8        1
 Krush Kill *Trainer*    None                 TRN!     01       1
 Oakland Hills for LLS   Access               ADD!     09       4        2
 Pod                     UbiSoft              NEW!     19       8        1
 Quake Mission Pack 2    Activision           ADD!              8        
 Scarab                  Electronic Arts      NEW!     32       6
 Sil. Hun. Pat. Disk 2   SSI                  ADD!     05       4        2
 Slam and Jam '96        Crystal Dynamics     NEW!     12       7        1
 Squeezils               Inscape              NEW!     32       5         
 Star Command *Un. Fix*  GT Interactive       FIX!     01       0     
 Tiger Shark             GT Interactive       NEW!     09       6        2
 Tiger Shark 3d Addon    GT Interactive       CRP!     01       0
 Twiggers                Nikita               NEW!     43       5
 Yoda Stories            LucasArts            NEW!     03       6        2
                                                               ---      ---
                                              SUBTOTAL POINTS  103 BONUS 15
                                                            TOTAL : 118

 QUICK REVIEWS:
 Airline Sim '97 - Ugly ass flight sim using an engine from 1993  5% (yes 5%)
 ATF Gold - ATF + NATO Fighters for Win95 w/ Inet play  75%
 ID4 - Arcade shoot em up, using fighter planes with heavy weaponry  70%
 Imperium - Cool space strategy/diplomacy sim  85%
 iM1A2 - Tank simulator.  Nice options, bad graphics.  60%
 KKND - C&C Clone. Great graphics, great game.  90%
 Oakland Hills - Yet another pretty golf course for Links LS.  60%
 Pod - Ok racing game for people with high end machines.  75%
 Quake Mission Pack 2 - Licensed from id, new levels, new weapons  85%
 Scarab - First person robot shooter.  Sorry graphics.  50%
 Sil Pat Disk - Extra scenarios & mission builder for Silent Hunter.  50%
 Slam and Jam - Awesome arcade basketball. Like Run and Gun.  90%
 Squeezils - Arcade style, nice 3d effects, lack of action.  50%
 Tiger Shark - Doom in a sub.  60%
 Twiggers - Like Dig Dug, only 43 disks larger.  30%
 Yoda Stories - SNES type game made for quick playing times.  50%
 
 Past Performance - Based upon past performance we'd expect the number one
                    position to be taken by this group who continually 
                    has proven their ability since formation in January.

 Actual Performance:
        
        By Ghandi's staff, these guys are good!  Even us lowly Pakis have
seen their power and we know fear.  Aside from the obvious number of releases,
what makes us pee in our little diaper thingies we wear?  Let's see.

        Supply Domination - 95% of all that has come from the USA comes 
out from these guys.  Seeing as Prestige dominated the USA in 1996, and these
guys made that group what it was, this comes as no surprise, as they've done
it for the last 2 months.  It's been noticed, however, that they are not
always speedy in their retrieval of games, and many wins can be attributed to
the fact that other groups are just too poor to compete.  We Pakis hope Class
tightens up the loose screws before real competition brings trouble.  The
addition of a few European titles to the batch from ex-Hybrid suppliers
Animal&Dogfriend only sweetens the deal, and rounds out an excellent team.

        Cracking Domination - The sheer number and availability of the
cracking squad brings a tear to our dirty yellow eyes.  With multiple crackers
at their disposal, Class brings out originals, fixes, bonus patches for
other groups' releases, trainers, etc.  Rather impressive team they've got
assembled.

        Reputation - Everyone loves a winner, and Class definitely qualifies
for that position in the eyes of the masses.  This allows them an edge on 
recruitment.  Everyone also hates a winner (if you're in a losing group). This
of course leads to constant fighting with the other groups, which detracts
from Class' popularity amongst some.  Also several of the members of the
group are about as popular as us Pakis, a real turnoff to many aspiring
suppliers/crackers.

 Predicted Performance - They'll take the number one spot again next month
                         unless a magical new force does something about it.

   ___________________________ ____________
__/   /  ____/___/  ____/\_  /_\_  \_ ____/
\  __/_ __/_   \ _ __/_  _/_/  _/ __/__/_
/      \_   \_  \ \_   \_\_ \_ \   \_    \_
\_______/____/_____/____/____/__\___/_____/

______________________________________________________________________________
|Release Name              Company           Status   Size   Points   Bonus  |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Alpha Storm             TAG/Psygnosis        NEW!     12       5        1
 Fallen Haven            Interactive Magic    NEW!     31       7        
                                                               ---      ---
                                              SUBTOTAL POINTS  12  BONUS 1
                                                            TOTAL : 13

 QUICK REVIEWS:
 Alpha Storm - Heretic clone.  Nice graphics, no monsters (go figure).  60%
 Fallen Haven - Strategy game set in space, ok graphics.  65%

 Past Performance - Called the "European Reflux," this group's past performance
                    has always been rather poor, producing low quality/small
                    name titles every once in a while.

 Actual Performance : 
        
        Despite the lack of releases towards the end of the month, this group
 came off a strong February month and put out a couple good titles at the
 beginning of the month.  They had been considered little better than Pakis,
 but lately their image is improving.  What factors work for and against them?
 Let's see...

        Supply Factor - They claim to be using suppliers from Hellfire, the
popular Amiga games group.  Whether or not they are, Celebre's suppliers had
a ball while Mad Turnip was away.  When he returned they disappeared, which
did not come as a shocker.  Their resources strike us as only being sufficient
as opposed to good.  Celebre gets games when the big players leave town,
but they do get games, and that's what counts.

        Limited Cracking - They have only one capable cracker, Merlin, whom
some might remember from Legend.  He's not very reachable, however, and due
to that, in a race, he just won't cut it.  Though he's a good cracker, alone
he does not make their team something to scare the fleas off our hairy backs.

        Reputation Factor - Their reputation seems to be a stumbling block as
most big players just don't take them seriously.  The recent releases have
certainly served to improve their reputation, but it is doubtful if they will
be producing as much in the near future.  Thus it is unlikely most people 
will be inclined to join.

 Predicted Performance - Celebre will return to the bottom with us Paki types.
                         While the cat was away they got to play, but with 
                         the return of Hybrid, as well as Class' Animal and
                         Dogfriend, we think they'll be putting out small 
                         titles sporadically again.

_____ _____  ____ _____  ________________
\_   | \   \/   / _   /__\_   \_/   _    \
 |   _  \_  \ _/  \   \ __/___/ |   /    /
 |___|   |____|___/   /_\   \___|_______/
  ::d|___|::::::.\___/.:.\___\::::::::::
______________________________________________________________________________
|Release Name              Company           Status   Size   Points   Bonus  |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Darklight Conflict      Electronic Arts      NEW!     18       7        1
 DC It works textfile    Hoson Bitching, Inc. TXT!     01       0    
 Darkl Conf. *??? Fix*   Electronic Arts      FIX!     01       0
 Flipout                 GameTek              NEW!     14       5        1
 Kick Off '97            Anco                 NEW!     20+      8
 Pod                     UbiSoft              DUP!     18       0
 Rebel Moon Rising       GT Interactive       LAM!     10      -1
 Theme Hospital          Bullfrog/EA          DUP!     ??       0                 
                                                               ---      --- 
                                              SUBTOTAL POINTS  19  BONUS 2
                                                            TOTAL : 21

 QUICK REVIEWS:
 Flipout - Simple puzzle game.  Lame graphics, way too easy.  40%
 Kick Off - Nice action soccer game.  Great graphics & gameplay.  85%

 Past Performance - This group has dominated Europe for the past several
                    months, but was unable to have any success in the USA.
                    Recently they've been rather dead as well, as certain
                    key suppliers have been preoccupied, and the number of
                    European releases has dwindled.

 Actual Performance : 

        Well it's sort of a mixed bag for these guys.  While they come off a
 recent slump to begin releasing again, laziness and poor choices drag down
 what otherwise would have been an excellent comeback.  Pod was a near victory
 so kudos to this group, as ill luck doesn't tarnish the reputation.  In
 regards to Rebel Moon Rising, however, they were just plain dumb.  MMX stuff
 is trash and passed upon by other groups.  At least two other groups that we
 are aware of decided to pass this trash up (this HAS been verified), and
 unfortunately Hybrid makes a poor decision not to follow suit.  Let's take
 a look at what makes Hybrid tick.

        European Domination - With an excellent team in the UK and Sweden,
Hybrid cranks out 95% of the European titles on the market.  Lately, however,
it seems as if these guys have become complacent, taking their sweet time on
games they obviously have had for a while, and it has cost them.  Should they
regain momentum, it would knock most other European contenders down so hard 
we'd feel it in Pakistan.

        Cracking Domination - The only other group who has a team that is
comparable, perhaps even better, than Class's.  An excellent mixture of
crackers allows them to continually produce.  Unfortunately a large number
of these people are unavailable a majority of the time, and this might 
cause problems in the future.

        Reputation Factor - Having very few non-working releases, considering
the large number they put out, Hybrid has an excellent reputation amongst
gamers.  Unfortunately these games are all European, and as their USA
presence is nonexistant, this may be a potential turnoff to USA suppliers.
Would you like to be the one white boy in a community full of Pakis...we
though so.

        Big Mouth Factor - This group is the only group that has bigger mouths
than us Pakis.  Seeking to constantly stir up trouble, many of their members,
including quite a few who do little to nothing (cough Teacher Golomufu 
Grifter cough) this can be a real turnoff to new recruits.  They'd do well
to realize that the wise Paki opens his mouth only when he has enough sheep
and cows to back it up.

 Predicted Performance - Typically coming in as the #2 contender, due to the
                         smaller number of European releases, it's expected
                         they will retain this slot in April, continuing to
                         produce only European titles.


                    
        ۲ݲ    
 ۲ 
 ޲ ۲     
       
 ۲ ۲ ۲۲ ۲ ۲
 ۲ ۲
                               
                             
                               
______________________________________________________________________________
|Release Name              Company           Status   Size   Points   Bonus  |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Theme Hospital           Bullfrog/EA          NEW!     36       9             
                                                               ---      ---
                                              SUBTOTAL POINTS   9  BONUS 0
                                                            TOTAL : 9

 QUICK REVIEWS:
 Theme Hospital - Next in the theme series of sims, pretty boring  70%

 Past Performance - While they have gotten some nice titles in the past, their
                    lack of motivation/skill has relegated this group to the
                    lesser ranks.  Combine it with a holier than thou
                    attitude (us Pakis sometimes feel the same way...jihad!)
                    and a blatant disregard for the disk limit, and you've
                    got a paradigm of how not to run a group.

 Actual Performance : 
 
        Wow, massive surprise.  After breaking from Razor they get next to
nothing.  Guess Germany was slow this month.  Wondering why they did poorly?  
Look no further.

        Supply Lack - Considering that their only capable suppliers who might
currently be active are the Germans (Snp-Mav, Menion Leah, etc), and realizing
Germany doesn't get many titles, it's pretty obvious to see why they fall
flat.  Guess they'll have to wait for the next Microprose title so insider
Night Vision can keep them afloat.  Our camels spit in their eyes.

        Cracking Lack - Holy Beast is a good cracker, but seldom is he 
available and he takes his sweet time.  He just won't win in the races.
        
        Reputation Factor - May Ganesh protect us from the horrible attitudes
of these people.  From the "We Don't Have Egos" egomaniacal Germans to the
"Quality not Quantity" Americans, it's no wonder this is a huge detriment.
Because they have chosen to ignore promises and current standards, in
addition to trying to pass off that they are better than everyone else, their
popular support is based upon the members of the scene everyone else 
urinates on (like us Pakis for example).

 Predicted Performance - Breaking from Razor was a mistake, these two groups
                         deserved each other.  Now they get to struggle 
                         alone, not together.


 _______  ________  ____________
\____   \/  \__   \/  _ \____   \ __/  \____
 / _/  _/    \/   /   /  / _/  _// / / / / /
/  \   \  /\ /   /\  /  /  \   \/ /\  / / /
\__/\   \/RTX______\___/\__/\   \/ / /_/_/
=====\___)===\__)============\___)=\/=======
______________________________________________________________________________
|Release Name              Company           Status   Size   Points   Bonus  |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Interstate '76           Activision           NEW!     31       9
Jack Nicklaus 4          Accolade             NEW!     48       8
JN4 Course Addon         Accolade             CRP!     26       0
MDK                      Playmates            SHT!     58      -20    OUCH!
Project Paradise         Soft Enterprises     NEW!     12       5        1
Test Drive Offroad       Accolade             NEW!     13       8        1
                                                               ---      ---
                                              SUBTOTAL POINTS  10  BONUS 2
                                                            TOTAL : 12
 
 QUICK REVIEWS:
 I76 - Nice car shooter using a variant Mechwarrior 2 engine.  90%
 Jack - Pretty golf sim.  The usual, only not as good as Links LS.  80%
 Paradise - Lame-o overhead style game with ugly gfx.  45%
 TD Offroad - Car racing, nice graphics, poor gameplay.  65%

 Past Performance - Despite claims of glory, the once great group has been in
                    a steady decline for the past year, putting out small
                    numbers of titles, though they are good ones.

 Actual Performance :

        Not much of a surprise, Razor has another month in which they put out
 a small number of titles, albeit some relatively nice ones.  Once again Razor
 flaunts the fact that they are lame and liars to boot, breaking the disk 
 limit and earning themselves a painful smack for their efforts.  What has
 brought a once mighty group to its knees...let's see.

        Supply Lack - Well, relying on certain lame methods has carried them 
 for the past year, so we guess they've stuck with it.  We obviously know they
 work on 7th Level, Accolade, and Activision.  They also works on other 
 companies, but sometimes this results in beta versions, and us Pakis will take
 great pleasure in awarding the points to whomever puts out the final of
 any of their titles.  This reliance on lame methods has led to complacency, 
 leaving the group with no capable suppliers.  Should they develop more 
 resources, they might stand a chance.

        Cracking Factor - While possessing several good crackers, such as
 Beowulf and Faceless, these crackers are seldom available, especially in a
 pinch.  They can get stuff they have lying around cracked just fine, but in
 a race, forget it.

        Reputation Factor - On one hand, they have the "10 years in the 
 business" reputation, which though we Pakis can see through the obvious lies
 (all of the people who made the group big over the decade are in other
 groups now), many do not realize this and choose to go with Razor, seeing it
 as the most priveleged group to be in.  Certainly the hot new web page and
 memoribilia collection add to this reputation as well.  On the other hand,
 the more informed people know that the group has been in a slump, and 
 efforts on Razor's part to buy, steal, and threaten members from other 
 groups do not help them in the eyes of this portion of the public.  The
 fact that many of their releases are proven betas does not help as well.

 Predicted Performance - Yet another slow month, in which a few more betas
                         and over the limit releases will appear.


________________________________________ ____
\_____ \_____ \__ _____ |_____  i   |   i   |
 |  _____/ _____/   __| l   _/  l   |   l   |
_|  _   \   i   |   |   l   |   l   |-     -|
\   i    \  l   |   |   |   |_  l   |   |   |
.\__l     \_____|___|________/______|___|   |
:::.|_____/.::::::::::::::::::::li<ACiD>|___|

______________________________________________________________________________
|Release Name              Company           Status   Size   Points   Bonus  |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Darklight Conflict       Electronic Arts      DUP!     28       0
Darkl Conf. *Nec. Fix*   Electronic Arts      FIX!     01       0
Kick Off '97             Anco                 DUP!     41       0
Lost Vikings 2           Interplay            BET!     22      .8
                                                               ---      ---
                                              SUBTOTAL POINTS  .8  BONUS 0
                                                            TOTAL : 0.8

 Past Performance - Kali, goddess of evil, must smile upon these, her favored
                    disciples, as they continue to pollute the scene with
                    garbage releases and thinly veiled trickery.

 Actual Performance :

        Not surprising, a beta and two dupes.  It's what we've come to expect
over the past few months, a legacy of their ROR days.  The best part is that
when Lost Vikings 2 Final comes out, they're sure to claim theirs was final.
Right now these are the only contenders against Razor for that esteemed
"It's Final Just Not Store Final Award."  As long as we're expecting that, 
we can laugh at them now.  Let's sneak a peek at what makes these guys 
Thuggee worshippers.   

        Supply Lack - Most of their supply system is based off downloading
registered shareware titles off the web.  Unfortunately they don't realize
registered shareware is not a legit release (Webfoot Games = CRAP).  The 
remaining portion of their supply system is centered around betas, and let's 
face it..."Mengele"...yeah ok another inside beta guy.  We believe you guys, 
really we do.  Starring JDA, King of Betas, in the role of Mengele.  At least 
we hope it's JDA, and not yet another person polluting the scene with 
unlabeled betas.

        Cracking Lack - Do they have any?  Not that we can see.  

        Reputation Factor - Months of betas, dupes, registered shareware, etc
has left a lasting scar upon their reputation.  Sensible people avoid the
group, and those who don't notice right off the bat leave shortly after 
they do.

 Predicted Performance - If they don't earn themselves a ban again, they'll
                         enjoy the fruits of their labor (last position) once
                         again.

*************
GRAND TOTALS*
*************

This Month's Totals               Previous Rankings
-------------------               -----------------

1. Class - 118 points             1. N/A
2. Hybrid - 21 points             2. N/A
3. Celebre - 13 points            3. N/A
4. Razor - 12 points              4. N/A
5. Paradigm - 9 points            5. N/A
6. Reflux - 0.8 points

Current Records (Since March '97)
---------------
Points - 118 (Class)
# Of Releases in 1 Month - 16 (Class)
Total # Of Releases - 16 (Class)

SUMMARY: Well, altogether it was a nice month for gamers, as many long
awaited titles make an appearance, and you get to play a few games months
in advance due to beta releases.  Unfortunately it would appear as if a few
groups decided to piss on the disk limit they set themselves, marring 
otherwise respectable reputations.  March will apparently be the prelude to
the trends of the scene in 1997, as groups attain the ranks we expect them
to maintain all year.

This is Achmed, Apu, Amer, Azim, Azif, Achmed, Anwar, Abdul, and Punjab
signing off.  Catch us next month and always remember...
THE ONES WHO SAY "QUALITY NOT QUANTITY" ARE *ALWAYS* THE LOSING ONES!

Greets: My bitch, Fatima.  Sanjed the camel and our sacred cow.  Mohammed -
        stay up Playa.  Our families (all 612 of them).  The local posse
        from the mosque - WESSYDE for life.  Biggie Smalls - rest in peace
        brutha.  My nigga Ramkumar and the Curry Assassins.  Tupac - Yo
        brutha we's keeping the faith Next week baby dey'll get their
        payback Word is bond, effendi.  Big Mustafa - always got the glock
        cocked and ready ta rock.  Those punk ass bustas from New Delhi - 
        fuck with our endo one more time and we'll smoke ya asses.

Be sure to watch "Towelhead and Captain Rahib: Defenders of Islamic Justice"
daily on WPKI Channel 1, Pakistan's only station!

******************************************************************************
        
        Let's face it, a lot of games come out, and like Pakistan's national
debt, they're really big.  You want reviews, so you can get a glimpse of the
game before you spend 30 hours downloading it or waiting 7 years for it to 
arrive via camel.  Yes, you want reviews, but you're sick of Ionizer's 
incompetence and Pathos's prattle.  Us Pakis have prayed to Mecca, and by
the grace of Allah, we have your answer...

                               THE REVIEWERS GUILD
                                      [TRG]

            * Reviews for every game, within 12 hours of release
            * Full color screen shots in every review
            * Multiple Opinions to help give better perspective
            * Competent and informative reviews 
            * Wit and wisdom approved by our team of Paki experts
            * Friendly reviewers share information and tips

               FOR MORE INFORMATION JOIN #TRG ON IRC EFNET
                    OR CHECK OUT    WWW.TRGUILD.COM

