                Canonical Collection of  SHORT BLONDE  Jokes
           ======================================================
              Last Updated: 7/8/95  by  robnykvist@delphi.com

1021. What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
           When you smack the mosquito, it stops sucking.

1020. Blonde trainer:  "Are you hurt?"
      Football Player: (moaning)  "I think so.  Better call me a doctor."
      Blonde trainer:  "Okay, you're a doctor!"

1019. Dentist to blonde:  "I'm going to have to do a root canal."
      Blonde lady:  "Oh, no!!!!  I'd just as soon have a baby!"
      Dentist:  "Well, make up your mind so I can adjust the chair."

1018. Blonde mother (scolding child): "If you fall from that tree
      and break both your legs, don't come running to me."

1017. Jim says his blonde wife is a sex object.
      Every time he wants sex she says, "I object."

1016. What do you get when you cross a blonde and an IRS Agent?
           Someone who'll suck your finances dry.

1015. Two little blonde girls playing in their sandbox.  First blonde
      says to the other, "I got the first pubic hair on my pussy."
      The other blonde answers, "So does it disturb you while fucking?"

1014. What did the blonde secretary reply when the committee chairman
      ask her to read the minutes from the last meeting?
           "2:00, 2:01, 2:02, 2:03, 2:04, 2:05," etc.

1013. What did one blonde Lesbian say to another?
            "Where`s your cock?"
            And the other answered, "Why?  You got a chicken?"

1012. Why is a blonde like Australia?
           They're both down under, and no one cares.

1011. Why don`t blondes like anal sex?
           They don`t like their brains being screwed with.

1010. Why can`t blondes water-ski?
           When blondes get their crotch wet
           they think they have to lay down.

1009. Why do blondes wear earmuffs?
           To avoid the draft.

1008. How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity?
           Her crayons are still sticky and smell like fish.

1007. What's a brunette's idea of the ideal weight of a blonde?
           Four pounds, including the URN.

1006. "Have you served on a jury before?" the judge asked the sexy
      young blonde.  "No sir," she said, "but I've tried lots of men.

1005. How do you teach a blonde to pick cotton?
           Cut the string.

1004. I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting.
           She told me she didn't know how to cook them.

1003. What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
           A blonde parade.

1002. How does a blonde prepare for safe sex?
           She puts on rubber based lipstick.

1001. Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
           The vegetable garden.

1000. What's the quickest way to get into a blonde's pants?
           Pick them up off the floor.

999.  What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
           Bobbing for Bimbos.

998.  What's the difference between a blond and an ice cream cone?
           Ice cream cones don't lick back.

997.  What is the difference between a blonde and a shower?
           A shower has to be turned on to get wet.

996.  Why do blondes wear tight skirts?
           To keep their legs together.

995.  Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't
      wait to see 20,000 leagues under the sea?
           She said that she loved baseball, and was
           surprised that there were so many teams.

994.  Did you hear about the blonde who stood
      in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?
           She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.

993.  Did you hear about the blonde that almost caused a wreck?
           The spare tire in her trunk blew out.

992.  Did you hear about the blonde doctor?
           She shaved her patients, then took off their clothes.

991.  Did you hear about the blonde that ate mountain oysters?
           She was dragged 200 yards.

990.  What does a blonde say during a porno?
           There I am!!

989.  What did the blonde say when she was showed
      her newborn baby in the delivery room?
           I'm not going to suck anything *that* small.

988.  What did the blonde do when she heard the British were coming?
           She stopped sucking.

987.  What can save a dying blonde?
           Hair transplants.

986.  What is every blonde's ambition in life?
           To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

985.  What's the difference between a blonde and a walrus?
           One has whiskers and fishy flaps, and the other is a walrus.

984.  What's the difference between a blonde and a lightbulb?
           The lightbulb is smarter, but
           the blonde is easier to turn on.

983.  What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
           Some traffic signs say stop.

982.  Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?
           From trying to blow out lightbulbs.

981.  What is blonde and green and jumps from bed to bed?
           A prostitoad.

980.  What do blonde virgins eat?
           Baby food.

979.  Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room?
           They have to pull their own pants down.

978.  What is the best thing about an 8 year old blonde girl?
           Turn her over and she can be an 8 year old blonde boy!

977.  What does an old blonde's pussy taste like?
           Depends.

976.   How do you make a blonde shut up?
            Close her legs.

975.   What did the blonde say when her momma caught her having sex with
       her yonger brother?
            The blonde said, "Please don't tell daddy we started
            without him."

974.   What do horse testicles and blondes have in common?
            They both like being next to long smelly pecker's.

973.   What do you call a blonde falling out of an airplane?
            A sex bomb!

972.   What is the difference between a hematologist and a blonde?
            The hematologist pricks your finger.

971.   Did you hear about the blonde who dropped out of nursing school?
            She was doing great until she found out she would have to
            perform the Hymen-lick Manuever.

970.   What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the
       first time?
            "How do you shift this thing?"  (you make jacking off motions)

969.   Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her
       lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license?
            "Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar.  That's disgusting!"

968.   How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
            Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.

967.   What do blondes answer to the question, "Are you sexually active?"
            "No, I just lie there."

966.   What do you call a blonde wearing a leather jacket on a motorcycle?
            Fucking rebel without a clue.

965.   Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?
            Blondes are crazy enough to kill and they can retain water.

964.   What does a blonde owl say?
            What, what, Huh?

963.   What do you call an unmarried blonde in a Porche?
            Divorcee.

962.   Why don't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands?
            Because the vaccum in her head keeps them in place.

961.   What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
            An Italian suppository.

960.   How does a blonde commit suicide?
            She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

959.   Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
            She missed.

958.   How did the blonde die ice fishing?
            She was run over by the zambonis machine.

957.   What do you call a blonde with a dictionary on her butt?
            A smart-ass!

956.   Why do blondes wear hats?
            So they know which end to wipe.

955.   How are blondes like kiwi fruit?
            They are brown and hairy in the outside, green on the inside
            and eating too many of them will make you sick.

954.   Blonde to professional cook:  "I have had my turkey in the freezer
       for a year and a half.  Will it take longer to thaw?"

953.   Did you hear about the blonde babysitter?
            She's mounted more 4 year olds than Willie Shoemaker.

952.   What is the definition of an Elevator?
            It's the only thing in the world that doesn't cum when a
            blonde goes down it on it!

951.   What do blondes use for lubrication?
            Tartar Sauce.

950.   Blonde to her friend, "Do you think the Pope ever french kisses
       the ground of a country he really likes?"

949.   Did you hear about the blonde who tried unsuccessfully to write
       "Happy Birthday" on a cake?
            Seems the cake kept getting stuck in her typewriter.

948.   Did you hear about the successful blonde lawyer?
            She was very good at getting all her clients off.

947.   Why did the blonde cross the road?
            Now how would you expect HER to know?

946.   Asking guys what they think about blondes is like asking dogs what
       they think about fire hydrants.  They both like to use'em!

945.   Did you hear about the blonde doctor who had her license taken
       away because she was having affairs with her patients?
            Yeah, it's a shame because she was one of
            the top veterinarians in the country!

944.   Why doesn't a blonde's guts fall out of her pussy when she stands?
            Because the vacuum in her head keeps them in place.

943.   What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
            One that never misses a period.

942.   What's the difference between a blonde and a jet engine?
            The jet engine stops whining when it gets to Hawaii.

941.   How does a blonde spell relief?
            T-I-F-F-A-N-Y-S.

940.   What do you call a blond guy on a waterbed?
            Lake Flacid.

939.   What does a blonde do in the event of a nuclear war?
            The blonde gets out her sun visor.

938.   What's a blonde's favorite position?
            Facing Bloomingdales.

937.   What's the difference between a blonde and a vulture?
            A vulture waits until you're dead before it eats your heart out.

936.   Did you hear about the blonde that got pregnant in Super-Valu?
            She didn't know there was a Safeway.

935.   Hear about the blonde who was discovered nude at the Laundromat?
            Well, the sign SAID, "When Machine Stops, Remove Your Clothes."

934.   Did you hear about the blonde nurse?
            She removed a thermometer from a patient's mouth and after
            looking at the thermometer, said, "What does Rectal mean?"

933.   What did the blonde say to King Kong?
            "Is it in yet?"

932.   Why do the blonde police travel in groups of three?
            They need one who is able to read, another who can
            write, and one to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.

931.   What are the two biggest lies blond guys tell?
          "The check is in your mouth," and "I won't come in the mail."

930.   Heard about the new blonde car called, "The Pervertible?"
            Even if the top won't go down, the driver will.

929.   Here's a smart blonde equation for you:   I M A  1/2  W + I + T

928.   Did you hear about the blonde purchasing agent in the Pentagon?
            When the contract was approved for the purchase of 1000
            tanks, the blonde ordered 1000 septic tanks.

927.   What did the blonde say when the dentist
       asked her what kind filling she wanted?
            "Chocolate."

926.   Two blonde girls are sitting on a car, one sniffs
       the air and says, "Hey, I smell dick!"
       The other glances at her and responds, "Yea, I burped."

925.   What's the difference between a blonde and a toilet seat?
            A toilet seat warms up after a while.

924.   What is oral sex to a blonde?
            Talking about it.

923.   Why did the blonde girl buy a gold diaphragm?
            She wanted her boyfriend to come into money.

922.   Why does a blonde girl need two hands to eat a banana?
            One to hold the banana, one to hold her pony tail.

921.   What does a blonde girl say when she's had an orgasm?
            "I think I just swallowed my gum."

920.   Did you hear about the confused blonde?
            She kissed the bus goodbye and went to town on her husband.

919.   Hear about the blonde who warms up her
       husband's supper before he gets home?
            She slides down the bannister without her panties.

918.   What is the first thing a blonde does after sex?
            Clears her throat.

917.   Did you hear about the blonde that jumped into the freezer?
            She had diarrhea and thought she was melting.

916.   The blonde was so stupid she thought a Quarterback was a refund!

915.   If an English girl uses Pristine, and a French
       girl uses Feminique, what does a blonde girl use?
            JANITOR IN A DRUM!

914.   What's the difference between eating blonde pussy and eating Sushi?
            The rice.

913.   Why do blondes smoke after having sex?
            There's nothing else to do at the bus stop.

912.   What's a brunette have when she dies her hair blonde?
            A dunce cap!

911.   Blonde walks into a bar to meet her friends.
       In her hands a big pile of fresh dog shit...saying,
       "Hey, guys!  Look what I almost stepped in!"

910.   What is a blondes favorite holiday?
            Erection day!

909.   Did you hear about the blonde who got lost on her way to a party?
            Yeah, the directions said go two blocks and turn right
            at the red light.  Only the light was green...

908.   What do you send a blonde that has bad breath?
            Underarm deodorant.

907.   How does the modern blonde clean her hair?
            She washes it in the dishwasher and dries it in the microwave.

906.   How do you know if a blonde is trying to become smart?
            She's drinking Grecian Formula 99.

905.   How can you tell a blonde in a casino?
            She's the one playing the stamp machine.

904.   Why did the blonde throw away the toilet brush?
            She went back to using toilet paper.

903.   Why did the young blonde girl say, "stick it in my ear?"
            She wanted to try aural sex.

902.   Why did the blonde buy a farm in Alaska?
            She wanted to grow frozen vegetables.

901.   What do you call a blonde who also is unlucky?
            Welfare mom.

900.   A blonde and Gorby were having dinner one night, and she asked
       Gorby, "What's that mark on your head?"  Gorby said,, "It's a
       birthmark."  The blonde replied, "Well, how long have you had it?"

899.   What do a bowling ball and blonde have in common?
            Even if you throw them in the gutter,
            they come back to you, eventually.

898.   Why don't blondes pass gas?
            Because they can't catch up with it.

897.   Why did the blonde eat yellow snow?
            To see what flavor it was.

896.   Why was the blonde fired from her new job at the bank?
            When the customers brought in their cash money
            for deposits, the blonde would ask, "For me?"

895.   The blonde was so dumb she thought "statutory rape"
       meant doing it standing up.

894.   The blonde was so dumb she had to
       take her sweater off to count to two.

893.   The blonde was so dumb the landlady left the VACANT
       sign up when the blonde rented a furnished room.

892.   The blonde was so dumb she bought a cheap dictionary -
       one that's not in alphabetical order.

891.   The blonde was so dumb she thought "intercourse"
       meant the time time spent between classes.

890.   Blonde definition of "Rape":   Assault with a friendly weapon.

889.   How can you tell when you are in a blonde's house?
            When you see the washed toilet paper hanging out to dry.

888.   Did you hear about the handsome bachelor Senator
       who hired a ravishing blonde as his assistant?
            He made her the object of a long Congressional probe.

887.   Blonde blowing her brains out:  An Oxymoron, or is that a Peroximoron?

886.   Did you hear about the blonde who thought the smoke
       detector in the apartment was the oven timer?

885.   How do blonde's get cultured?
            They get a PAP smear.

884.   Why did the blond put an ice pack on his dick before sex?
            He saw what a low temperature does to water.  (Makes it hard).

883.   Results of an Anacin poll in New York with blondes.
       How many blondes preferred Anacin?
            None.  There wasn't a single blonde who could get the cap off!

882.   Who knows what a blonde looks like naked?
            Everybody!

881.   Why did the blonde have her boyfriend
       wear a rubber when they had sex one day?
            She wanted something for lunch the next day.

880.   What's the difference between a blonde's apple pie and a hair pie?
            Apple pie tastes good with crust.

879.   Why did the blonde look for her new automobile in the garden?
            She heard that her car had just come from the plant.

878.   What do blondes usually say after sex?
            "Are all you guys all on the same team?"

877.   What do you call a man between two blondes?
            Lucky!

876.   How can you tell if a blonde is dating someone?
            She has a belt-buckle imprint on her forehead.

875.   Why do blondes tease their hair up so high?
            So they can catch the jokes that
            would normally go over their heads!

874.   What do you call 6 blondes in a refrigerator?
            Frosted Flakes!

873.   What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
            Gifted!

872.   What is the blonde mating call?
            "Gee!  I'm feeling kinda drunk!"      or
            "Gee!  I'm SOOOOO drunk!"

871.   What is another blonde mating call?
            "Next!"

870.   What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
            (Screaming) "I said I'm drunk!"

869.   What does the blond guy do after eating a hairless pussy?
            Put the diaper back on!

868.   What do you call 100 blondes standing in a line?
            A wind tunnel!

867.   What does a blonde put behind her ears to attract guys?
            Her ankles!

866.   How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle and light up?
            Shine a flashlight in their ear.

865.   What do blondes and turtles have in common?
            When flipped on their backs, they are both are screwed!

864.   What is the difference between a blonde and a turtle?
            At least the turtle tries to get back up.

863.   What did the blonde say to the flight attendant?
            "Please tell the pilot not to fly faster than sound.
            My friend and I want to talk during the flight!"

862.   What's a blonde's mnage--trois?
            Using both hands to masturbate.

861.   What's a popular name for the blondes?
            Marge - they'll spread if you have some bread.

860.   Why don't they let blondes swim in the ocean?
            The tuna fish get hard-ons and try to rape the blondes.

859.   How is a dead blonde like stale beer?
            You won't get any head from either.

858.   Why are blondes afraid of dating athletes?
            They don't want to catch athlete's fetus.

857.   Why do blondes pick their noses with their fingers?
            Because their tongues aren't quite long enough.

856.   Did you hear about the remarkable case of a blonde who
       really put on a new pair of underwear everyday?
            By the end of the week, she couldn't get her pants on.

855.   Did you hear about the famous blonde plastic surgeon?
            She repairs Tupperware.

854.   What happened when a manure silo fell over?
            The National Guard was called in to shoot the blonde looters.

853.   How do blondes cure their kids of bed wetting?
            They buy them electric blankets.

852.   Why don't more San Francisco blonds get married to one another?
            They can't decide who will wear the wedding dress.

851.   How do you describe a blond San Franciscan's career?
            Asses to ashes.

850.   What is the definition of a blonde orgy?
            A party where everybody comes.

849.   What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
            A mental block.

848.   What's the difference between a blonde and a man?
            The blonde probably has the higher sperm count.

847.   What is the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
            Nobody knows how many went down on the blonde!

846.   Brunette says, "Oh, look at that poor dead bird."
            Blonde replies, (Looking up, wide eyed) "Where, where?"

845.   How does a blonde turn the light on after having sex?
            Opens the car door.

844.   How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
            What is a light bulb?     or
            None.  Their boyfriends do it for them.
            None.  They keep breaking them with the hammers.

843.   What's the difference between a pink Caddy, and a blonde?
            Most people haven't been in a Pink Caddy!

842.   Why don't they let blondes take coffee breaks?
            They don't want to have to retrain them afterwards.

841.   Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
            It takes too long to retrain them afterwards!

840.   What do blondes and computers have in common?
            You don't appreciate either of them until they go down on you.
            You don't appreciate their true worth until they go down.

839.   Why do blondes like tilt steering?
            It gives them more head room!

838.   What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brown?
            Artificial intelligence.

837.   Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
            You can park in the handicapped zone.

836.   What do a blonde and a bottle of beer have in common?
            They are both empty from the neck up.

835.   What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?
            Last year's winner of hide and go seek.

834.   How do you keep a blonde secretary busy?
            Give her a bag of M&M's and tell her to alphabetize them.

833.   How do you kill a blonde?
            Put a scratch-n-sniff sticker on the bottom of the pool, or
            smash the toilet seat over her head while she is getting a drink.

832.   How do you drown a blonde?
            Put a mirror on the bottom of the pool.

831.   What is it called when you blow into a blonde's ear?
            A refill!

830.   What do a blonde and Presdient Gorbachev have in common?
            They both got fucked by 10 men while on holiday.
       What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?
             He knows who the ten men were.

829.   How do you know when you get an anonymous post-it-note from a blonde?
            It's written on the sticky side.

828.   What goes,  Vroom Screech, Vroom Screech, Vroom Screech?
            A blonde going through a flashing red light.

827.   Did you hear about the blonde that drove to Denver?
            She saw a sign that said  "Denver Left,"
            so she turned around and went home.

826.   What is a blonde doing when she is bending over?
            Applying for a job!

825.   How do you make your blonde secretary laugh Monday?
            Tell her joke Friday.

824.   What do you call a hooker and 3 blondes walking down the street?
            Regular Price, 4 Bucks, 4 Bucks, 4 Bucks.

823.   How are blondes and HARLEY DAVIDSONS alike?
            After you ride them for twenty minutes both start to drip!

822.   Why aren't blondes pharmacologists?
            They can't fit the bottles in the typewriter to type the labels.

821.   Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
            She loved men!

820.   Do you know what the blonde does when she is finished sucking cock?
            She spits out the feathers!

819.   Did you hear about the blonde that started
       an abortion clinic for blondes?
            Yeah - it's got a one year waiting list!

818.   What is the definition of a blonde lesbian?
            Just another woman trying to do a mans job!

817.   What did the blonde say as the sod truck passed her?
            When I'm rich, I'm gonna have my lawn sent out to be mowed too.

816.   Why don't blondes eat pickles?
            Because they get their heads stuck in the jar!   or
            Because they can't get their head into the jar!

815.   Why don't blondes like Kool-Aid?
            They can't fit two quarts of water into the little package!

814.   Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink?
            That's the right place to wash vegetables.

813.   Why do blondes have the letters TGIF on their shoes?
            To remind them - Toes Go In First!

812.   Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
            Tits go in front.

811.   How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
            Blow in her ear.

810.   What did the really dumb blonde say when someone blew in her bra?
            "Thanks for the refill."

809.   What do you call a pimple on a blonde's butt?
            A brain tumor.

808.   Why do all blondes all have a dimple
       on their chin and a flat forehead?
       (Finger on chin)  "I don't know."
       (Hits forehead)  "Oh I get it!"

807.   What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
            You only have to put information in a computer once!

806.   What do you call a basement full of blondes?
            A WHINE cellar.

805.   What does a smart blonde and a dinosaur have in common?
            They are both extinct.

804.   What's the difference between BigFoot and a smart blonde?
            At least there are claims that BigFoot has been sighted.

803.   If a blonde and a brunette both fell off a building at
       the same time, who would hit the ground first?
            The brunette, the blonde would have to stop and ask directions.

802.   What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tight over her ears?
            Trying to hold on to a thought.

801.   What do you say to a blonde to convince her to go to bed with you?
            "Wanna have another beer?"

800.   What do you get when you cross a blonde and a hairdryer?
            An AirDryer.

799.   What did the blonde say when she saw the volcano erupt?
            "Look, it's a red swimming pool."

798.   What do you call a bunch of blondes laying on the ground?
       What do you call 25 blondes on top of each other?
            An air mattress!

797.   How can you tell when a blonde has done your landscaping?
            All the bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

796.   What do blondes find hard about eating vegetables?
            Getting them back in their wheelchairs.

795.   What did the blonde say when her minister recommended
       the "rhythm method" for family planning?
            "Don't be silly.  Where would we get
            a band at 3:00 in the morning?"

794.   What did the blonde say when her new husband asked:  "Am I the first?"
            She said, "No. But you can be NEXT."

793.   What is the difference between a Northern
       blonde and a Southern blonde?
            The Northern blonde says, "Yes, you all can."
            The Southern blonde says, "Yes, y'ALL can."

792.   What was the tragedy when the car with four blondes
       in it, careened into the river, drowning the blondes?
            The car could have held six.

791.   How come blondes play gin rummy with only 25 cards?
            Because they don't know how to play with a full deck.

790.   Where do you look for a blonde's obituary?
            Under "Home Improvements."

789.   Why do blondes stick their head out of the window?
            To re-fuel their minds.

788.   What did the blonde say when someone
       asked her if she knew Poe's "Raven?"
            She replied, "No, why was he so mad?"

787.   What's the difference between a blonde and a tree?
            The tree knows when it's being cut down.

786.   Why did the blonde throw away her vibrator?
            She kept chipping her teeth!

785.   What do you call an intelligent blonde?
            A golden retriever!

784.   What happened to the blonde who went fishing with the Guys?
            She came back home with a red snapper.

783.   Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
            To see what was on the other side.

782.   Did you hear about the blonde who locked her keys in her convertible?
            It started to rain and she couldn't get in to let the top up!

781.   How many blondes does it take to cook a possum?
            Three, one to cook it, two to watch for traffic!

780.   How can you tell when a blonde has been using the computer?
            You'll find liquid paper correction fluid on the screen!

779.   Did you hear about the blonde student who was making straight A's?
            Her B's are still crooked, but her A's are looking great!

778.   What do you get when you cross a blonde and an onion?
            A piece of pussy that brings tears to your eyes.

777.   What is a blonde's favorite child's rhyme?
            Hump Me, Dump Me!

776.   Why did they kick the blonde out of the Nudist colony?
            She was getting into everybody's hair.

775.   Did you hear about the blonde who thought a sanitary belt
       was a drink from a clean shot glass?

774.   Why did the man trade in his blonde wife for a garbage can?
            Because the garbage-can had a
            smaller hole and it smelled better.

773.   What do a spider's web and a blonde have in common?
            Both end in the undoing of a fly.

772.   What do you get when you cross a blonde and a computer?
            A fucking know-it-all.

771.   Did you hear about the blonde kicked out of the pool?
            She was barred from the pool because the lifeguard
            saw her go down for the third time!

770.   How do you confuse a blonde?
            Put her in a round room and tell her to go sit in
            the corner.  Or You don't, they're born that way.

769.   What's the difference between a blonde and a dipsy dumpster?
            When you drop a load into the dumpster,
            it doesn't follow you around for a week!

768.    What's the difference between a blonde and a trailer?
            When you pull pin out of the trailer
            hitch, it stops following you around.

767.   What is the difference between a blonde and a brick?
            If you lay a brick it won't follow you around for a week.

766.   What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet?
            After using the toilet it won't follow you around.

765.   Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
            You can drop your load in the washing machine
            and it won't follow you around for a week.

764.   Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
            They both drip when they're fucked.

763.   Why can't a blonde get a driver's license?
            Every time the car stops, she gets in the back seat.

762.   What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
            She fell into the sink.

761.   Why do blondes wear ponytails?
            To cover up the air valves.

760.   What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
            The back of her head.

759.   How do blondes like their eggs in the morning?
            Fertilized!

758.   How does a blonde like her eggs?
            Unfertilized.

757.   How do blondes keep their ankles warm?
            With their underwear!

756.   Why don't blondes eat bananas?
            They can't find the zipper.

755.   How does a blonde part her hair?
            By doing the splits.

754.   How does a blonde high-5?
            She smacks herself in the forehead.

753.   How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
            69 interrupted by a period.

752.   How do you brainwash a blonde?
            Give her a douche and shake her upside-down or give her an enema!

751.   Why did the blonde go to Norway then turn around & come home?
            She found out a 14 inch Viking was a TV set.

750.   What important question does a blonde ask before sex?
            "By the hour, or flat rate?"

749.   Why does a blonde take the pill?
            So she knows what day it is.

748.   Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
            It kept falling out.

747.   What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
            You wouldn't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

746.   What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease?
            Her IQ goes up!

745.   What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
            Data transfer.

744.   What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
            A thought!

743.   What do you call 4 blondes in a Volkswagen?
            FARFROMTHINKING!

742.   How does the blonde figure out the difference between
       an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
            By the taste!

741.   How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?
            Knock on the door!

740.   What do you get if you place a dollar bill on a blonde's head?
            All you can eat under a dollar!

739.   What is a blonde's idea of heavy reading?
            A stop sign.

738.   How can you tell when a FAX has been sent by a blonde?
            There is a stamp on it.

737.   What goes, 'blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette...'
            A naked blonde doing cartwheels!

736.   How do you get 4 blondes to sit down on a chair?
            Turn the chair upside down!

735.   What do you get when you turn a blonde
       upside down and spread her legs open?
            A brunette with bad breath!

734.   Did you hear about the blonde who tried to kill a fish?
            She tried to drown it.

733.   What do you call a blonde behind the wheel?
            An airbag!

732.   Why can't blondes become cowgirls?
            They can't keep their calves together!

731.   Why did the blonde women with the big pussy douche with Crest?
            She heard that Crest helps to reduce cavities!

730.   Did you hear about the blonde who got
       mad at her husband for shooting craps?
            She got mad because she didn't know how to cook them.

729.   The blonde with kidney trouble is easy to spot
       because of her rusty zipper and yellow shoes.

728.   How do blonde's braincells die ?
            Alone.

727.   What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement?
            An IN-body experience!

726.   When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
            After a dye job.

725.   Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
            She'd just dyed her hair.  or
            She'd just blow dried her hair and she
            didn't want it blown around too much.

724.   Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
            It swells at night.

723.   Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
            Because she liked kids.

722.   Why do blondes like lightning?
            They think someone is taking their picture.

721.   How can you tell if a blonde is a mystery writer?
            She will have a checkbook.

720.   What did the blonde customer say to the
       buxom waitress (reading her nametag)?
            "Debbie huh?...that's cute.  What did you name the other one?"

719.   How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
            By the lipstick on your cucumbers.

718.   What did the blonde think of the new computer?
            She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.

717.   Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
            (With a rocking of the head from side to side)  "I dunno!"

716.   How do blondes pierce their ears?
            They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

715.   How do you murder a blonde?
            Put spikes on her shoulder pads.

714.   A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked
       if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
            "Six, please.  I could never eat twelve pieces," said the blonde.

713.   What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
            The blonde wears lipstick.

712.   Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
            Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."

711.   Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
            From eating with forks.

710.   Why don't blonds in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
            Cause their balls show!

709.   Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods
       and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
            Because they can spell it.

708.   What is 74 to a blonde in Canada?
            69 plus GST.

707.   What do you do if a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
            Pull the pin out and throw it back!

706.   What do blondes do with their assholes in the morning?
            Pack their lunch and send them to work.

705.   Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
            From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK."

704.   Did you hear about the blonde who was disappointed
       when she got her driver's license?
            The instructor gave her an "F" in sex.

703.   Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
            More leg room.

702.   Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
            In case she locks the keys in her car.

701.   Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
            To turn the blinker off.

700.   Why are there lip stick stains on the
       steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
            Cause she blows the horn too!

699.   What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde?
            Bucket seats.

698.   Why is a blonde like a door knob?
            Because everybody gets a turn.

697.   Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
            Because she's been laid all over the country.

696.   Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
            Who cares?

695.   Why do blondes have orgasms?
            So they know when to stop having sex!

694.   What are some blonde's favorite wines?
            "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"
            (Sigh)  "Why do I have to do all the work around here!"
            "I wanna mink coat!"
            "I wanna diamond ring!"

693.   What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
            A Branch Manager.

692.   How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
            She fell out of the tree.
       How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey
       with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
            She fell out of the tree.

691.   How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
            Wave at her.

690.   How do you check a blonde's IQ?
            With a tire gauge.

689.   Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
            They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

688.   Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
            So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
            So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.

687.   Why don't blondes breast feed?
            Because it always burns their nipples trying to boil the milk.

686.   How did the blonde burn her nose?
            Bobbing for french fries.

685.   What do blondes do on Halloween?
            They Pump-Kin!

684.   A blonde couple asked their three year old what he wanted for his
       birthday.  "I wanna watch," their son said.   So, they let him!

683.   Why do blondes need men?
            Because vibrators don't buy drinks.

682.   How can you tell if a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
            Her ankles swell up when she farts.

681.   Why are blonde women like pianos?
            When they're not upright, their grand.

680.   Did you hear about the blonde who
       got caulking and Vaseline mixed up?
            All her windows fell out.

679.   Why did the blonde cross the road?
            Because the man told the bitch to cross the road.

678.   How do you get a blonde to take off all her clothes?
            Ask her to.

677.   What is the most popular form of birth control for blondes?
            "I have a headache."

676.   What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
            Full.

675.   What did one blonde Lesbian say to another?
            "Your face or mine."

674.   What does a 15 year old blonde and the Grand Canyon have in common?
            Both are deep and wide.

673.   Did you hear about the blonde who wanted to prove that she was smart?
            The blonde studied for two months and learned all of
            the capitals of the US states.  The professor asked her,
            "What is the capital of Texas?"   The blonde said "T."

672.   What's a blonde's favorite rock group?
            Air Supply.

671.   What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
            Butter is difficult to spread.

670.   Why did God create blondes?
            Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

669.   Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
            So they know if it is morning or afternoon.   or
            So that when they're on the train they can tell
            if they're going to work or coming home.

668.   What's black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
            A blonde electrician.

667.   Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde?
            She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!

666.   Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
            Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

665.   Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
            Because she gave blow-jobs freely.

664.   Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
            She realized she gave her last blowjob.

663.   Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
            She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

662.   Why did they call the blonde 'twinkie'?
            She liked to be filled with cream.

661.   What did the blonde do when she got her period?
            Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her.

660.   Why do blondes have periods?
            They deserve them.

659.   What did the blonde say to the physicist?
            "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission!  What do you use for bait?"

658.   Why are blondes like cornflakes?
            Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

657.   What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
            Change.

656.   How does a blonde moonwalk?
            She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!

655.   Why do blondes find it difficult to get married?
            Because you don't have to marry them to have sex!

654.   What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
            Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.

653.   Did you hear about the blonde who went to the dragstrip
       in search of the hot rods she had heard about?
            Yeah, she was disappointed to learn they were racing cars.

652.   What about the blonde who gave birth to twins?
            She wanted her husband to look for the other man.

651.   Did you hear about the blonde widow who
       became owner of her ex-husband's company?
            Yeah, she was an heir head.

650.   Why did the blonde only change her baby's diapers monthly?
            The box said "For 20 pounds."

649.   How  did the blonde try to kill the bird?
            She threw it off a cliff.

648.   What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
            Spot.

647.   Did you hear about the new blonde doll?
            You put a ring on its finger and it's legs spread.

646.   Did you hear about the blonde who sniffed Equal?
            She thought it was diet Coke.

645.   Did you hear about the blonde who snorted Nutri-Sweet?
            She thought it was diet Coke.

644.   Why did the blonde give up on snorting coke?
            The carbonation irritated her nose too much.

643.   What do you call a clone of a blonde?
            A clunt!

642.   How do you get a blonde to marry you?
            Tell her she's pregnant.

641.   What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
            It costs 25 cents to use a telephone.

640.   How would a blonde punctuate the following:
       "Fun fun fun worry worry worry!"
            Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

639.   Blondes...they take a lickin', and keep on...  Lickin!

638.   Did you hear about the blonde who was so dumb
       it took her two hours to watch 'Sixty minutes?'

637.   What is the difference between a blonde
       and the Grand Old Duke of York?
            The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men!

636.   Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
            So she could keep the refrigerator cold!

635.   What's the worst blond joke of all time?
            Dan Quayle.

634.   Did you hear about the blonde who only smelled good on the right side?
            She didn't know where to buy left guard.

633.   Did you hear about the blonde who lost her mind?   She worked in a
       whorehouse for 6 years and then found out the other girls got paid!

632.   Did you hear about the pregnant blonde who went to the grocery
       store because she heard they had free delivery.

631.   How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawn mower?
            The green "Welcome" mat is ripped all to shreds.

630.   What's similar about UFO's and a smart blonde?
            You keep hearing about them, but never see one.

629.   What is the best protection against rape?
            Dye your hair blonde, no one "rapes" a blonde!

628.   What do some blondes have against condoms?
            Their vaginas!

627.   How can you tell a real blonde from a fake?
            Fuck her!

626.   How does a blonde hemophiliac cure herself?
            With acupuncture!

625.   Why does a blonde eat beans on Saturday?
            So she can take a bubble bath on Sunday.

624.   How can you tell when you're in bed with a blond man?
            It's not hard.

623.   What do you call a virgin blonde?
            An inexperienced 3rd grader.

622.   Did you hear about the blonde girl who
       thought her typewriter was pregnant?
            Seems it was skipping periods.

621.   What did the blonde say when the job interviewer
       asked, "Please spell your name?"
            "Y-O-U-R  N-A-M-E."

620.   What do a blonde and a postage stamp have in common?
            You lick'em, you stick'em and you send'em on their way.

619.   What's the difference between a circus and a group of blondes?
            The circus is an array of cunning stunts!
            The group of blondes is an array of stunning cunts!

618.   Did you hear about the blonde who won a gold medal?
            She was so proud of it that she had her medal bronzed.

617.   Did you hear about the blonde who lost 95% of her brains?
            Her husband died.

616.   What is the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
            One is a busy ditch, the other is a dizzy bitch.

615.   Did you hear about the blonde who was called "Sanka?"
            Yeah that called her that because she
            had no active ingredient in her beans.

614.   Did you hear about the blonde who...
            ...took an hour to cook Minute Rice?

613.   Did you hear about the blonde who got into the taxi?
            The driver kept the "Vacant" sign up.

612.   Did you hear about the blonde who was an M.D.?
            Yeah, she was Mentally Deficient.

611.   Did you hear about the blonde who had a terrific stairway?
            She didn't have anything upstairs though!

610.   Did you hear about the blonde who...
            ...thought nitrates were cheaper than day rates?

609.   Did you hear about the blonde who...
            ...was told she was a silly puss, but
               insisted she didn't have a crazy cat?

608.   Did you hear about the blonde who...
            ...after watching the ballerinas tiptoe all the time,
               wondered why they just didn't get taller girls?

607.   Did you hear about the blonde who...
            ...went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?

606.   Did you hear about the blonde student who...
            ...brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?

605.   Did you hear about the blonde who...
            ...thought Manual Labor was a Mexican?

604.   Did you hear about the blonde who...
            ...stayed up all night studying for her urine test?

603.   Did you hear about the blonde who...
            ...was 2 hours late because the escalator got stuck?

602.   Did you hear about the blonde who...
            ...had a hysterectomy so she'd stop having grandchildren?

601.   Did you hear about the blonde who didn't vote?
            Yeah, she didn't care who got in.

600.   Why do guys prefer blondes?
            Blondes get DIRTY quicker.

599.   Why does it take four blondes with PMS to put in a light bulb?
            Because it DOES dammit!

598.   What was Clark Gable's famous quotation about blondes?
            "I want a blonde...I'm tired of squeezing black-heads."

597.   What do you call a brunette between two blondes?
            An interpreter!

596.   What did the blonde order on her first visit to a fancy restaurant?
            The Soup de Jour of the day.

595.   How do you tell if a blonde is a good housekeeper?
            See if she gets to KEEP the house after the divorce.

594.   What is the latest birth control method among the blonde women?
            They take off their makeup.

593.   What happened when the blonde mistook sugar pills for 'the Pill?'
            She now has the sweetest baby in town!

592.   On an application blank, what does a blonde put down for SEX_____?
            YES!

591.   What unique prize did the blonde receive
       after streaking through a flower show?
            A red ribbon for "Best Colored Arrangement."

590.   What is the name of blonde Dolly Parton's new TV show?
            "THEY'RE incredible!"

589.   What is the blonde's chronic speech problem?
            She can't say 'NO.'

588.   How did the two redneck blondes drown in a pickup?
            They were riding in the open back when the truck went
            into a pond.  The blondes couldn't get the tailgate down!

587.   Why is there always a garbage can at a blonde's wedding?
            To keep the flies off the bride.

586.   What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican?
            Retardo.

585.   Brunette:  "Why are you so popular with the men?"
       Blonde:  "I give up..."

584.   Why did the guy call his blonde girlfriend his "Melancholy Baby?"
            Because she had a head like a melon and a face like a collie.

583.   A homeless blonde was recently seen sitting on a
       curb, holding a sign.  What did the sign say?
            "I'll work for peroxide."

582.   What is the difference between a dead red-head lying in the middle
       of the road, and a dead blonde lying in the middle of road?
            There's skid marks in front of the blonde.

581.   Did you hear about the blonde who
       thought intercourse was a state highway?

580.   Did you hear about the young blonde writing home
       to mom and dad while she was away on vacation?
            "Hi, having a wonderful time!  Where am I at?"

579.   How many blondes does it take to operate a car?
            Five.  One to steer, one to work the pedals, two to push it,
            and one to sit under the hood saying, "VaROOM!  VaROOM!"

578.   Did you hear about the stupid blonde
       whose boyfriend said he loved her?
            She was stupid enough to believe him.

577.   Did you hear about the new epidemic among all the blonde bitches?
       It's called mAIDS - if they don't get a maid, they just die.

576.   What did the blind blonde say as she was making
       love with her new Jewish boyfriend?
            "Hummm, funny, you don't feel Jewish."

575.   Definition of a Metallurgist:
            A man who can tell if a platinum blonde
            is a virgin metal or a common ore.

574.   What did the South African blonde give her boyfriend?
           Apart-head.

573.   Why did the blonde hippie take two hits of LSD instead of one?
            She wanted to go on a round trip.

572.   What was the blonde surgeon's claim to fame?
            She performed fingernail stick ons.      or
            She did the world's first successful hemorrhoid transplant.

571.   One blonde says to another, "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
       The other replies, "No, who wrote it?"

570.   Some girls go to college, where do blondes go to?
            To obedience school.

569.   What did the blonde write to her
       boyfriend after she stole his tractor.
            A "John Deere" letter.

568.   What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
            A visitor.

567.   What's the difference between a blonde and the Empire State Building?
            The Empire State Building's elevator goes to the top.

566.   What did the blonde do when she saw the commercial that said:
       "90% of all accidents occur within 2 miles of your home"?
            She moved.

565.   The mother writes songs no one wants to sing.  The father writes
       books that no one wants to read?  What does the blonde do?
            The blonde writes checks no one can cash.

564.   How do we know that a blonde is sentimental?
            On Valentine's day, the blonde sends her
            mother a heart-shaped box of laundry.

563.   What do the blonde's monogrammed towels read?
            Holiday Inn.

562.   What operation did the blonde have recently?
            A charisma bypass.

561.   Why are blondes known as 'miracle workers?'
            When they work, it's a miracle.

560.   Advice for blondes:  "If they ever put a price on your head...
            Take it!"

559.   A blonde is a person that many people can't forget.
       Yeah, but the same can be said about Saddam Hussein!

558.   A vocational school worked out an aptitude test for
       blondes.  What are blondes most qualified to do?
            Machine operators:  Leaf blowers or Snow blowers.

557.   Why should we offer more understanding toward blonde women?
            Because they are examples of what happens
            when a fetus doesn't get enough oxygen.

556.   Why did the blonde think that the newlywed
       couple in the next room were Hawaiian?
            Cause all night long she could hear through the walls:
            "Oooo, Al!   Ooooo, Al!   Oooooo, Al!"

555.   Did you hear about the toys the blonde's brunette
       parents gave her to play with in the bathtub?
            Radio's, electric toothbrush, hairdryer,
            massager, all which were plugged in...

554.   What did the blonde find out after spending
       five grand to get rid of halitosis?
            She found out no one liked her anyway.

553.   What happened when the blond guy sent a
       personal picture to the lonely hearts club.
            A reply came back saying, "We are not THAT lonely."

552.   When the blonde was kidnapped, why didn't the parents pay the ransom?
            They didn't want to break a twenty.

551.   What is a blonde's idea of living "on the edge?"
            Eating cottage cheese on the expiration date.

550.   What particular job is a blonde best qualified for?
            Filling the condom dispensers in gas station restrooms.

549.   How do you tell when people regard a
       blonde as a really sloppy dresser?
           When they walk into a room and people say, "Who called a cab?"

548.   Why did the blonde drop the idea of becoming an atheist?
           No holidays.

547.   It is really hard to describe a blonde.  You could say...
       that blondes have that certain nothing about them!

546.   A lot of blondes are weird.  Many of them sleep in the closet,
       hanging upside down with their wings folded over their eyes.

545.   What did the blonde's parents do when
       the blonde said she didn't feel wanted?
            Her parents put her picture up in the post office.

544.   They say the influence of blondes have done much for mankind.
            Heh Heh Heh, the same thing can be said about Ex-lax.

543.   What is a blonde's idea of the technical wonder of the century?
            The Vege-matic.

542.   Who set the style for blondes' clothing?
            Pee Wee Herman!

541.   Why do they say that a blonde will never give you a bum steer?
            They would rather sell it to you.

540.   What is distinctive about a blonde's personality?
            They give a whole new meaning to the word Shallow.

539.   Describe the blonde's Gay Nineties party that she gave.
            Gay men and women over Ninety attended.  It really
            put a wrinkle in the blonde's reputation!

538.   When the minister asked the blonde, "Is an hours worth of pleasure
       worth a lifetime of shame?" what did the blonde say?
            "How do I go about making it last over an hour?"

537.   How do you paralyze a blonde from the neck down?
            Marry her!

536.   What did the blonde say shortly after
       declaring that she was giving up sex?
            "This has been the worst afternoon of my life."

535.   When blondes get married, when does the first baby arrive?
            Nine months, ten seconds later.

534.   Why don't blondes believe in having sex over 55?
            Because they feel it is best to pull off to the side of the road.

533.   The blonde's husband confided to his wife that he was
       having an affair.  She replied, "Who is catering it?"

532.   What practical use do some blondes make of love making sessions?
            They use it to time the boiling eggs.

531.   What is the shortest book in the world?
            The "Blonde Book of Knowledge."

530.   What got the blonde bookkeeper in trouble?
            She absconded with the accounts Payable.

529.   Why did the blonde woman have a wooden baby?
            Because she got nailed by a carpenter.

528.   Why do blondes love to watch the Gong Show?
            Because it is so intellectual.

527.   How do you get 20 blondes in the backseat of a Volkswagen?
            Tell'em you are going to give them the ride of their life!

526.   Why did the blonde's lover get disgusted when the
       blonde said she wanted to make love in the back seat?
            Because she asked him to do the driving.

525.   What is the best way to attract the attention of a blonde?
            Simply call out, "Attention K-mart Shoppers..."

524.   Do blondes talk to their husbands when they make love?
            Yes, if they happen to be near the phone in the car.

523.   What does a 747 Jet and a blonde have in common?
            Both have a little black box.
            Both have a cockpit.

522.   What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
            Not everyone has been in a 747.

521.   What's the other difference between a blonde and a 747?
       A 747 only goes down occasionally, a blonde goes down all the time.

520.   Why was the blonde ecstatic after finishing
       the jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
            Because on the box it said '3 to 6 years' on it.

519.   How do you know if a blonde student is having her period?
            She can't find her pencil and her Tampon is behind her ear!

518.   What does a blonde do in the morning?
            Puts on her clothes and then goes home!   or
            Introduces herself, then she goes home!

517.   Why did the blondes inspectors get fired from the M&M factory?
            They threw out all the W's!

516.   How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
            21.  One to bake them and 20 to peel the M&M's!

515.   How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
            Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.

514.   What do blondes and fire engines have in common?
            Both make a lot of noise to let you know when they're coming!

513.   How do you totally confuse a blonde for hours?
            Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

512.   What did the blonde do when she found
       out she was pregnant with triplets?
            She started her search to find out who the three daddys were.

511.   What do you call 4 blondes at the bottom of a swimming pool?
            An air pocket!

510.   Why do blonde women have black-and-blue marks around their navels?
            Because there are blond men!

509.   Why do blondes wear big hoop earrings?
            They have to have foot rests!

508.   What did the blonde get on her IQ test?
            Nail Polish and Drool!

507.   Why do blondes wash their babies in Tide?
            Because it is too doggone cold out-tide.

506.   Why did the blonde go to the hospital for a burned mouth?
            She burned her mouth bobbing for french fries.

505.   Did you hear about the blonde who could count up to ten?
            OK, would you believe five?

504.   Why did the blonde freeze to death?
            She drove into the drive-in theater to
            see the movie, "Closed for the winter."

503.   Why did the blonde slap the laughing spiritualist?
            She heard it was wise to strike a happy medium in life.

502.   What happened to the skinny blonde?
            She swallowed an olive and half the
            town's men packed up and left town.

501.   What happened when the blonde's husband called
       and said he had bought a condominium?
            She told him, "Good, now I can throw away my diaphragm."

   ,=============================,    ,==================================,
  | This list brought to you by:  |  |           Life is Short!           |
  |     robnykvist@delphi.com     |  |      Eat, Drink and be Merry!      |
   `=============================`    `==================================`

500.   What did the blonde say when asked the
       difference between apathy and ignorance?
            "I don't know and I don't care."

499.   Why did the blonde feel she wasn't wanted as a child?
            Because, on Halloween, her parents sent her
            out on her own, dressed as a speed bump.

498.   What is the last thing that happens at a blonde's wedding?
            They flush the punch bowl.

497.   How can you tell if a blonde has Class?
            When the words of her tattoos are spelled correctly.

496.   What did the blonde say to her man when he woke up in the morning?
            "Are you ready for your Nut-n-Honey?"

495.   What is the difference between a crazy fighting
       hockey player and a blonde?
            He is fussy by nature and would go to any length to get a puck.

494.   What do you get when you cross a blonde and a pig?
            Nothing.  There are some things pigs just won't do.

493.   What did the blonde say when someone asked if she was a drop-out?
            She replied, "No, I was a Cesarean baby."

492.   What did the blonde say when she was asked to spell Mississippi?
            The blonde asked, "Which one, the river or the state?"

491.   What is a suicide blonde?
            A blonde who has dyed by her own hand.

490.   What is the difference between the Italian and Blonde Mafia?
            The Italian Mafia makes you an offer you can't refuse.
            The Blonde Mafia makes you an offer you can't understand.

489.   Why are blondes such poor blackjack players?
            Because they always want a "hit."

488.   Why don't blondes play Hide and Seek?
            Because blondes are already lost.

487.   What happened to the blonde who accidentally drank
       a quart of varnish thinking it was liquor?
            She died of course.  But she did have a beautiful finish.

486.   Why did the blonde get an abortion?
            Because she had a hunch that the baby wasn't hers.

485.   What is the TV special about blondes coming out next fall?
            It's a chapter of Mission Impossible.
            A blonde will attempt to count to 100.

484.   Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
            She wanted to make up her mind!

483.   How does a blonde hold her liquor?
            By the ears.

482.   Heard about the blonde streaker?
            She ran through the school for the blind.

481.   Why does a blonde have one more brain cell than a horse?
            So she doesn't shit in the street when she goes to parades!

480.   Why did the old blonde have her tubes tied?
            So she would not have any more grandchildren.

479.   Why are the Japanese so smart?
             There are no blonde Japs.

478.   What do blonde doctors use men for?
             Male Practice.

477.   How does a blonde wiggle her ears?
            By tickling the guy holding them!

476.   What do you call this?     {Puff out your cheeks}
            A blonde's sperm bank.

475.   The one thing blondes fear more than losing their minds is finding it.

474.   It's been said that blondes make great travelers
       because their minds are always wandering.

473.   How does a blonde practice safe sex?
            She makes sure the car door is locked.
            She uses a padded headboard.
            She uses a padded steering wheel.
            She uses a padded dashboard.

472.   Hear about the blonde who bought a Trans-AM?
            It took her a month to realize she could drive it at night too.

471.   How can you spot a level headed blonde?
            She drools from both side of her mouth.

470.   Did you hear about the blonde who died in the helicopter crash?
            She got cold and shut off the fan!

469.   Did you hear about the blonde who went to Las Vegas?
            She lost all her money in the parking meters!

468.   Did you hear about the blonde who stayed
       up all night wondering where the sun went?
            It finally dawned on her.

467.   Did you hear about the blonde who bought snow tires?
            They melted on the way home!

466.   The wind was blowing so hard . . . the echo coming from the
       blonde's ear was deafening!

465.   It took the blonde a whole week to wash three basement windows.
       It took six hours just to dig the hole to put the ladder in.

464.   Why did the blonde trim the bottom of all her skirts with fur?
            To keep her neck warm.

463.   Why do blondes have rounded backs?
            From leaning over and saying, "Suck what?  OK, I see it now."

462.   What does it say behind a blonde's ear?
            Inflate to 40 psi.   Do not over inflate.

461.   What do blondes and screen doors have in common?
            The harder you bang them, the looser they get.

460.   Why did the blonde climb over the chain-link fence?
            To see what was on the other side.

459.   Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children?
            Because she heard that one of every four
            children born in the world is Chinese.

458.   Why were blondes given one more brain cell than a dogs?
            So they wouldn't hump men's legs at cocktail parties.

457.   Why did the blonde always take a quarter along on her dates?
            So that she can call them if she can't come.

456.   Why do little blonde girls put dead fish in their underwear?
            So the can smell like big blonde girls.

455.   What is a blonde 10?
            A blonde who sucks and fucks till midnight
            and then turns into a pizza and a six pack.

454.   What is beaten, bloody, and lays in a ditch on the side of the road?
            A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.

453.   What's brown and red and black and blue?
            A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.

452.   What do you get when you cross a blonde and a Chinese person?
            Someone who'll suck you dry while doing your laundry.

451.   What is a blonde's idea of natural childbirth?
            Wearing absolutely no make-up.

450.   Did you hear about the blonde who wanted
       to trade her menstrual cycle in for a Honda?

449.   Did you hear about the blonde who wanted to
       know how many wheels a menstrual cycle had?

448.   Did you hear about the blonde who said
       she'd do anything for a fur coat?
            Now she can't button it over her belly.

447.   What did the blonde think Moby Dick was?
            A venereal disease.

446.   Did you hear about the horny blonde bride?
            All her wedding gifts were battery operated.

445.   Did you hear about the blonde bride who was so
       horny, she carried a bouquet of batteries?

444.   What does a blonde use for dental floss?
            Pubic hair.

443.   Did you hear about the blonde prisoner who was found unconscious in
       her jail cell with half a dozen raised bumps on the top of her head?
            She tried to hang herself with a bunjee cord.

442.   What did the blonde do when her doctor informer her
       that he had found lots of sugar in her urine?
            She started putting peeing on her cornflakes in the morning.

441.   What is the definition of "fuck-off."
            The tie-breaker in an all-blonde beauty contest.

440.   What do fat blondes and mopeds have in common?
            They are both fun to ride, but you sure wouldn't
            want your friends to see you on either one.

439.   Why did the blonde give up bowling for screwing?
            Even though she can do both in the gutter, screwing
            balls are lighter and there is no need to change shoes.

438.   What is that white stuff you find in a blonde's panties?
            Clitty litter.

437.   How is a blonde like an oven?
            Both are easy to turn on, and as soon as
            each warms up, you stick your meat in them.

436.   How is a blonde like a frying pan?
            You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.

435.   What is the purpose of a belly button to a blonde?
            It's gives the blonde somewhere to store
            her chewing gum while on her way down.

434.   Did you hear about the blonde who thought
       that Sherlock Holmes was a Sub-division?

433.   Did you hear about the blonde who had
       hundreds of chances to get pregnant?
            She blew all of chances.

432.   Why did the pregnant blonde get fired
       from her job at the sperm bank?
            Her employers discovered she had been embezzling the goods.

431.   How do you know when a blonde is super horny?
            When you put your hand down her panties and it feels
            like there's a horse munching on oats down there.

430.   What's the difference between a young blonde and an old blonde?
            A young blonde uses Vaseline, an old blonde uses Poly-Grip.

429.   What's the difference between a young blonde and an old blonde?
            A young blonde uses lubricant, the old one uses Alum.

428.   Hear about the lactating blonde mommy
       who kept an ice pack on her tits?
            She didn't want her milk to get warm and spoil.

427.   Why did the sexy blonde blow her lover AFTER sex?
            She wanted to have her cock and eat it too.

426.   Did you hear about the new slogan for Avon's
       new blonde hair coloring product?
            Buy a double batch and get a snatch to match!

425.   Did you hear about the blonde with a degree in psychology?
            She'll blow your mind too!

424.   How does a blonde bitch do it doggie-style?
            She takes off all her clothes and
            then begs for it or makes him beg for it.

423.   Did you hear about the new blonde doll they're selling?
            Put a ring on its finger and its hips expand.

422.   Know why blonde jokes are so short?
            So other blondes can get them too.
            Also so men can remember the jokes.

421.   How can you tell if a blonde is really conceited?
            She screams her own name when she comes!

420.   What happened to the blonde who put her panties on backwards?
            She got her ass chewed out.

419.   Why don't blondes usually speed over 70 mph?
            Because when they make it to 69 they blow a rod.

418.   Why don't blondes drink beer while laying on the beach?
            They're afraid they'll get sand in their Schlitz!
            They're afraid to get sand in their Busch.

417.   What was the ultimate in embarrassment for the blonde?
            When her Ben-Wa balls set off the metal detector at
            the airport and the X-ray machine identify them.

416.   What is six inches long, has a bald head on it,
       and drives all blondes wild?
            A hundred-dollar bill.

415.   What is the difference between blondes and sunglasses?
            Sunglasses sit higher up on your face!

414.   What is the difference between a blonde and a prostitute?
            Prostitutes don't drive Porsches.

413.   What's the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
            You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.

412.   Why do blondes drive VW's
            Because they can't spell Porsche.

411.   Why are blondes stealing police cars?
            They see the 911 on the side and think it's a Porsche!

410.   Why can't blondes dial 911?
            They can't find the number 11 on the telephone!

409.   Why did the blonde take her new scarf back to the store?
            It was too tight and wouldn't fit.

408.   Why do blondes have such large tits and loose pussies?
            Because men have big mouths and big dicks!

407.   How is a blonde like a bank?
            She'll lose interest when you withdrawal your assets.

406.   What really frustrates a blonde?
            Finding a guy who has a huge dick, and herpes.

405.   What did the blonde do to prevent her from being raped?
            She beat off her attacker.

404.   What do you call a blonde who gives an airplane
       passenger or pilot a hand job while flying?
            A highjacker!

403.   How do you tell if a blonde is paranoid?
            She puts a rubber on her dildo!

402.   What do you call three blondes in bed together?
            A mnage  twat.

401.   What do you call a gorgeous, big-titted blonde lesbian?
            You NON-fucking Bitch!

400.   Why did the blonde put a condom over each ear?
            She didn't want to get hearing AIDS!
       (You know how you get hearing AIDS?  From listening to assholes!)

399.   What do you get when you cross an elephant and a blonde?
            A three-quarter-ton pick-up!

398.   How many blondes does it take to make popcorn?
            Four.   One to hold the pot and three to shake the stove.

397.   What does a convict awaiting sentencing have in common with a blonde.
            Both know it's going to hard soon, but don't know for how long.

396.   Why did the blonde have a rectangular chest?
            Because she forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box.

395.   Why are blondes afraid to go into seafood restaurants?
            They heard you can get Crabs in them!

394.   Why did the blonde drive around the block 14 times?
            Her blinker was stuck.

393.   What did the blonde say when she opened up a box of Cherrios?
            Gee, look at all of the little doughnut seeds.

392.   Why couldn't the blonde make ice cubes?
            She didn't have the recipe.

391.   What do blondes do for foreplay?
            Take off their panties!

390.   Why do blondes wear green panties?
            Because red means stop!

389.   Why did the blonde get kicked out of driver's ed?
            They couldn't get her to sit up in the seat!

388.   What is the difference between a rooster and a blonde?
            The rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-do."
            The blonde says, "Any-cock'll-do!"

387.   Why do dogs stick their noses (among other parts), in blonde's crotch?
            Blondes aren't picky and neither are dogs.

386.   Did you hear about the blonde who bought an exercise bike and died?
            She tried her best to ride it home.

385.   How many blondes does it take to milk a cow?
            Nine, four to hold the udders, four to hold the cow's legs,
            and one to tell them when to move the cow up and down.

384.   What is the main qualification for most blonde typists?
            They must be very good in their oral skills.   or
            They can usually type like a mink.

383.   What did the blonde say when asked if sex is dirty?
            "Only if done on the dirt without blankets."

382.   What did the blonde do when her husband said
       he'd like to be on the bottom for a change?
            She bought him a bunk bed.

381.   What did the virgin blonde say after
       her new husband asked, "Am I the first?"
            "Why do all you guys ask the same question?"

380.   Why do blondes close their eyes while making love?
            They hate to see their lover having a good time.

379.   How do you recognize a blonde "girl of the streets?"
            She will have curb feelers on her ankles.

378.   What happened to the ugliest blonde in town?
            A group of youths Gang Dressed her.

377.   What do blondes use for earrings?
            Pest strips.

376.   How can you tell when a blonde has had too many martinis?
            When she says she feels sophisticated.

375.   Why did the blonde elevator operator lose her job?
            She couldn't learn her route.

374.   What does a blonde have when there are two green balls in her hand?
            Kermit's undivided attention.   or
            The Hulk's undivided attention.

373.   How do blondes spell FARM?
            E-I-E-I-O.

372.   Hear about the blonde who made a pineapple
       upside-down cake to impress her husband?
            She turned over her microwave oven to cook it.

371.   How can you find out if a blonde is ticklish?
            Give her two test-tickles.

370.   What do you get when you cross a fireman with a blonde?
            The Burning Bush.

369.   Did you hear what the blonde business woman
      named her chain of convience stores?
            Stop 'n' Blow.

368.   Did you hear about the Movie Producer who took off his clothes
       after asking his new blonde starlet seeker to strip?
            Yeah, he wanted to see if she could make it really big.

367.   Why did the blonde refuse to go down and suck on the
       guy who presented her with his tweleve-inch dick?
            She didn't want to get the foot-in-mouth disease.

366.   Did you hear about the blonde who broke her leg at the golf course?
            She fell off the ball washing machine.

365.   If Tarzan and Jane were both blonde, what would Cheetah be?
            The smartest of the three.

364.   How did the blonde pierce her ear?
            Answering the staple machine.

363.   Did you hear about the blonde who accidentally
       made two dates on the same night?
            She managed to squeeze both of them in.

362.   What do you call the blonde who relies
       on the rhythm method of birth control?
            "Mommy."

361.   What would be one of the things you could be
       assured of if a blonde was elected as President.
            You could be sure she would do her best to fuck up the country.

360.   Why do blondes like to do it doggie style?
            So they can keep watching the Home Shopping Network on TV.

359.   Why did the blonde law student keep failing her bar exam?
            She thought an anti-trust suit was a chastity belt.

358.   How can you tell which motorcycle belongs to the blonde?
            It's the one with the training wheels on the side of it.

357.   How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?
            It is the one with the kickstand.

356.   Did you hear about the sad blonde mermaid?
            She couldn't do anything but give head.

355.   What is it that a blonde doesn't want, that a man has in his pants?
            Wrinkles.

354.   What do you call a blonde anorexic with a yeast infection?
            A quarter-pounder with cheese!

353.   What did the blonde say to the long-forgotten friend she ran into?
            "I think I remember you - take your clothes off and lemme see."

352.   What did the lesbian gas attendant say
       when the beautiful blonde pulled up?
            "Mind if I check under your hood?"

351.   What did the gas attendant say when the beautiful blonde pulled in?
            "How about a lub job?"

350.   Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't serve tea to her visitors?
            She didn't have a T-shirt.

349.   Why did the blonde pee in the middle of the grocery store?
            She passed a sign that read, "Wet Floor."

348.   What do you call a blonde who can suck a golf
       ball through fifty feet of garden hose?
            "Darling!"

347.   Why don't blond guys trust their blonde girlfriends?
            How can you really trust someone who
            bleeds for five days and doesn't die?

346.   What's a blonde's favorite drink?
            A Penis Colada.

345.   Why couldn't the blonde WAVE get pregnant during the storm at sea?
            The seamen kept falling to the floor.

344.   What does a blonde have in common with the United States Army?
            They're open to any man between the
            ages of eighteen and thirty-five.

343.   How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
            None.  They don't necessarily have to change
            it because they'll screw in the dark too.

342.   Why did the blonde cross the road?
            Forget about that, what the hell was
            she doing out of bed in the first place?

341.   Hear about the blonde who uses condoms twice?
            Yeah, she turns it inside out after the
            first use and shakes the fuck out of it.

340.   Why do blondes flock around the Police sharpshooters?
            They heard sharpshooters have a reputation
            for being excellent crack shots.

339.   Why's having beauty more important than having brains for a blonde?
            Plenty of men are stupid, but not many are blind.

338.   What's the best thing about having sex with a 10 year old blonde?
            You can pretend she is 5.

337.   What's the best thing about having sex with a 5 year old blonde?
            You'll know she's tight for sure!

336.   What's the worst thing about having sex with a 5 year old blonde?
            When she says she's had better.

335.   How can you tell if a blonde is a macho women?
            She'll roll her own tampons.

334.   What do blondes do in case of fallout?
            They reach down, shove it back in and take shorter strokes.

333.   How do you tell if a blonde is wearing underwear?
            Look to see if she has dandruff on her shoes.

332.   How can you tell if a blonde frigid?
            When you open her legs the lights go on.

331.   What do you call a blonde with her own transport?
            Feels on Wheels!

330.   Did you hear the one about the blonde
       that had a problem with her bed?
            She couldn't find a knife large enough to apply the bed spread.

329.   What's the difference between a tooth pick and a blonde?
            The tooth pick is used to get the meat OUT of the teeth.

328.   Did you hear about the blonde who committed suicide?
            She was throwing away a cigarette on top of the Empire
            State Building.   She threw the wrong butt off!

327.   How do you recognize a blonde at a car wash?
            She's the one on her bike.

326.   How can you tell if the blonde biker is an aristocrat?
            No spelling errors on her tattoo.

325.   How can you recognize a blonde's pencil?
            It's the one with erasers on both ends.

324.   The blonde's Space-plan has run into a hitch.
            The kite just won't support the astronaut's weight.

323.   Hear about the blonde explorer?
            Yeah, she bought a piece of sandpaper thinking
            it was a map of the Sahara Desert.

322.   Hear about the blonde who tried playing water polo?
            She drowned her horse!

321.   Hear about rich blonde who bought a black and white dog?
            It was cheaper than a colored dog, and she thought
            Ted Turner could colorize it for her.

320.   Why did the blonde quit her job as a restroom attendant?
            She couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer!

319.   What does it take to make a blonde genius?
            A mall.

318.   Did you hear about the blonde bank robber?
            She tied up the safe and blew the guard!

317.   How do you know if a blonde bartender is pissed off with you?
            There'll a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary.

316.   How are hurricanes and blondes similar?
            Brace yourself, neither are ordinary blow jobs.

315.   How can you tell a blonde from an ape?
            The ape peels the banana before eating it.

314.   Did you hear about the young blonde who
       was afraid of flies, until she opened one?

313.   How can you tell if the blonde is a nurse?
            She can make a patient without disturbing the bed.

312.   What do a lightly cooked steak and a smart blonde have in common?
            They're both considered rare.

311.   Why are rectal thermometers banned for use in blondes?
            They cause too much brain damage.

310.   What do you call a blonde's vagina covered with ice cream?
            Fur a la mode.

309.   Why did the blonde tattoo her address on the inside of her thighs?
            So she could get some male in her box.

308.   How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
            (say nothing)

307.   What does a blonde do when her kotex catches fire?
            She throws it on the floor and tampon it.

306.   How does a blond man make paper dolls?
            By screwing old bags.

305.   How can you tell if a blonde is the head nurse?
            She'll have dirty knees.

304.   What's the difference between a blonde
       track team and a tribe of sly pygmies?
            One's a bunch a cunning runts,
            the other is a bunch of running cunts.

303.   What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
            Your job still sucks after 6 months.

302.   What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
            It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.

301.   What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?
            They both squirm and wiggle when you eat them.

300.   What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
            They both have black roots.

299.   Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
            She was lip reading.

298.   How do you drown a blonde?
            Don't tell her to swallow.

297.   What did the blonde's mother say to the blonde before going out?
            If you're not in bed by 10, come home.

296.   What's the Blonde's cheer?
            "I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..
             I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

295.   What's the difference between Colorado and a blonde?
            A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

294.   Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
            Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.

293.   Why do blondes have legs?
            So they don't get stuck to the ground.
            So they don't leave trails, like snails.
            To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.

292.   What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
            The blonde!

291.   How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
            Flattered.

290.   What do you call a blonde with a bag of sugar on her head?
            Sweet Fuck All.

289.   What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
            Two brunettes.

288.   Did you hear about the blonde who...
            ...Had more on her body than on her mind?

287.   What do you call two nuns and a blonde?    Or...
       What do you have when you sign up a blonde
       and two brunettes for a football team?
            Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

286.   Why did the blonde take off her panties and place her aching cunt
       on the table at a fancy restaurant?
            Her date order a plate of sizzling red snapper.

285.   What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart.
            A shopping cart has a mind of it's own.

284.   What do you call a blonde lesbian?
            A waste.

283.   What did the blonde do with her first 50 cent piece?
            She married him.

282.   Why did the blonde staple the priest's nuts together?
            She couldn't lick them, so she joined them!

281.   Brunette:  "How many sheep does it take to knit a sweater?"
       Blonde:    "I didn't even know they could knit."

280.   Blonde: "Is it easy to milk a cow?"
       Country boy: "Sure, any jerk could do it."

279.   Why is it that blondes gets arthritis so early in life?
            Because they get stiff joints every night when they're young.

278.   A cop stops a blonde driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
       Cop:  "Didn't you see the arrows?"
       Blonde:  "I didn't even see the Indians."

277.   Why was booze invented?
            So ugly fat blondes could get sex too.

276.   Did you hear about the blonde who stepped up to the parking meter
       that still had 120 minutes of free parking left on it?
            The 105 lb blonde said, "My God! I've gained 15 pounds!"

275.   What was the blonde training to be a cop?
            She wanted to work under the cover with the guys.

274.   The blonde murderer about to be executed is offered a cigarette.
       The blonde says, "No thanks, I'm trying to quit."

273.   A blonde caught for speeding went before the judge.
       The judge said,"What do you want?  30 days or $30?"
       The blonde replied, "I'd like the money, Thank you."

272.   What two words keep blondes out of jail when they get arrested?
            "Spread them."

271.   Why did the blonde want to join the KKK?
            She wanted to crawl under the sheets with the men!

270.   Doctor:  "Take one of these pills 3 times a day."
       Blonde Patient:  "How do I take a pill more than once?"

269.   Doctor:  "Is your cough better this morning?"
       Blonde Patient:  "Yes.  I've been practicing all night."

268.   A 93-year-old blonde marries an 18-year-old guy.  Her doctor tells
       her, "The age difference in your marriage could be fatal."  After
       thinking a moment the old blonde replied, "Well if he dies, he dies."

267.   Brunette:  "How's your insomnia?"
       Blonde:  "Even worse.  Now I can't sleep at work."

266.   The doctor told the blonde she was iron
       deficient, so she took up nail biting.

265.   What did the blonde's mother say when
       she asked if she could lick the bowl?
            "Just flush it like everybody else does."

264.   How does a blonde girl know when her mother is on the rag?
            When her brother's dick tastes like blood.

263.   What's the difference between a blonde and a pile of shit?
            Eventually the pile of shit stops smelling.

262.   What do you get when you cross a blonde with an ape?
            A retarded ape.

261.   Why do blondes fear the middle age crisis?
            Middle aged is when the broad mind and
            the narrow waist exchange places.

260.   The horny blonde says, "Wanna play carnival?
       That's where you sit on my face and I try to guess your weight."

259.   What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
            Run like hell, because she'll be sucking on the grenade.

258.   Did you hear about the blonde who spent four days in the Mall?
            She was looking for wheels for her miscarriage.

257.   Did you hear about the blonde who went to a crap game?
            She took a roll of toilet paper with her.

256.   Did you hear about the blonde who got a cut in pay?
            She put iodine on her paycheck.

255.   Did you hear about the blonde who was feeling low?
            She got cream on her hands.

254.   Did you hear about the blonde who
       thought a mushroom was a place to neck?

253.   Did you hear about the blond who bought
       his wife a washer and dryer for Christmas?
            He got her a douche bag and towel.

252.   Did you hear about the blonde who thought
       "no kidding" meant birth control?

251.   Why don't blondes eat fleas?
            Because they can't get their little legs apart.

250.   Why did the blonde call her boyfriend her "Rubik's Cube."
            The more she played with him, the harder he got.

249.   Did you hear about the blonde who got stuck
       on an elevator with some guy between floors?
            They got off between floors.

248.   What does a blonde and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
            Both swallow seamen.

247.   What do you call a blonde child raised in a house of ill repute?
            A brothel sprout.

246.   Have you heard about the new line of jeans for fat blondes?
            It's called Crisco, for the blonde with fat in the can!

245.   What does a worm in a corn field have
       in common with a thought in a blonde?
            Both go in one ear and out the other.

244.   What do you call a blonde who controls the speed of a boat?
            A knot head.

243.   What does a 70 year old blonde women have between
       her tits that a 20 year old blonde does not have?
            A belly button!

242.   Blonde Mother:  "I baked 2 kinds of cookies today.
            Would you like to take your pick?"
       Son:  "No thanks, I'll just use the hammer this time."

241.   What they call a blonde who knows where her husband is at night?
            A widow.

240.   Man:  "I rule the roost."
       Blonde:  "But I rule the rooster."

239.   Blonde:  "The 2 things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie."
       New husband:  "Which one is this?"

238.   My blonde girlfriend and I broke up last week.  I told her that we
       didn't understand each other.   She asked, "What do you mean?"

237.   What's the difference between a blonde wife and a terrorist?
            You can negotiate with a terrorist.

236.   Did you hear about the blonde's cooking?
            It's was so bad it broke the dog from begging at the table.

235.   If a blonde found a Dollar what would she do?
            Look for the other 00.

234.   Why is a blonde's first visit to Chippendale's
       like a religious experience?
            Cause the first thing blondes say is "Ahhh!  Men!"

233.   Why did God invent blonde lesbians?
            So blondes wouldn't breed.

232.   A beautiful blonde moved in next door.  So I went over and
       returned a cup of sugar.  "You didn't borrow this," she
       whispered.  I told her, "I will."

231.   You know how it is when you're walking up the stairs, and you
       get to the top, and you think there's one more step?
            Blondes are that all the time.

230.   Why are ship's portholes round?
            So blondes wouldn't put them in upside down.

229.   A little blonde girl came running up to her brunette mother
       one day, asking, "Mommy, Mommy, What's an orgasm?"   Mommy
       replied, "I don't know dear, ask your father."

228.   What's the difference between blondes and McDonalds?
            McDonalds have only served 5 billion people!

227.   What's the difference between a boxer and a blonde prostitute?
            The boxer is good with the hooks.
            The blonde prostitute hooks with the goods.

226.   Why does Ted Kennedy attract blondes?
            Blondes can't read legislation.

225.   What does a blonde virgin and a hemophiliac have in common?
            One prick and it's all over!

224.   How are blondes like a hockey team?
            Both take showers after three periods.

223.   How can you tell if a blonde is on the rag?
            She is only wearing one sock.

222.   What do most blondes die of?
            Toxic Sock Syndrome.

221.   Did you hear about the blonde who was so pleased with her
       wedding that she could hardly wait for her next one?

220.   Did you hear about the intelligent blonde?
            She thought Fucking and Cooking are two cities in China!

219.   Why do blond men make such lousy lovers?
            They're afraid to hurt themselves, so before they
            make love they wait for the swelling to go down.

218.   How can you tell a blonde's plane from a
       regular plane during the winter season?
            Blondes put chains on their propellers.

217.   Why did the blonde go through the car wash a second time?
            She liked the special effects but didn't understand the ending.

216.   What's the difference between a blonde and Jello?
            The Jello moves when you eat it.

215.   This guy sees a blonde on the pier looking out over
       the waters, and asks, "Whatcha looking for?"
            "I'm looking for a blood vessel," replies the blonde.

214.   Did you hear about the blonde having her typewriter fixed?
            Her O's were upside down.

213.   Why did the blonde put her watch under her desk?
            Because she wanted to work overtime!

212.   How are blondes like tampons?
            Both are stuck up cunts!

211.   Why did the guy call his blonde 'Sugar?'
            Because she was so refined.

210.   What did the blonde chicks say to the miser?
            "Cheap!  Cheap!"

209.   Why did the blonde hold her ears when she passed the chicken coop?
            She didn't want to hear their fowl language.

208.   Did you hear they're making a mini-series about a smart blonde?
            It's called "Roots!"

207.   Did you hear about the blonde that was arrested for shoplifting?
            She was trying to smuggle two watermelons in her hip pockets.

206.   What's the difference between a blonde and a police car?
            It takes two squad cars to block the road.

205.   What's the difference between a blonde and a sack of garbage?
            At least the garbage gets taken out once a week.

204.   Why did the fat blondes quit wearing black swimming suits to the pool?
            They had too many harpoonings.

203.   What's the difference between a fat blonde and an elephant?
            About five pounds.

202.   How do you make up the difference of those 5 pounds?
            Force feed the elephant.

201.   What's the difference between a blonde and an elephant?
            The elephant doesn't have zits.

200.   Why do blondes wear stripes?
            So you can tell if they're walking or rolling.

199.   How does a blonde take a bath?
            She fills the tub and then turns on the water.

198.   What's the difference between a blonde and a brunette?
            The brunette is looking for a husband;
            the blonde is looking for a father.

197.   What do you call a religious blonde?
            Holy Mackerel.  (tuna)

196.   What's the difference between a fat blonde and Bigfoot?
            One weighs 475 pounds and stinks.  The other has big feet.

195.   What's the difference between a blonde and Rolaids?
            Rolaids only consumes 47 times its weight.

194.   Did you hear about the car that swerved around a fat blonde?
            It ran out of gas.

193.   What are the happiest parts of a blonde's body?
            Her tonsils and appendix.  At least they
            may get taken out once in her life.

192.   Did you hear about the tiger that attacked the fat blonde last May?
            It's still trying to finish the carcass.

191.   What's the definition of a blonde?
            A finger looking for a ring.
            It's also a life support system for a pussy.

190.   What's the only thing that will get a fat blonde through a door?
            Grease her hips and dangle a Twinkie in front of her.
            Or put a hard cock on the other side of the door.

189.   Did you hear about the blonde with long black hair?
            She wears long gloves to cover it.

188.   What happened to the truck that swerved to avoid hitting fat blonde?
            It had to get an interstate license.

187.   What do you call a fly buzzing a blonde's ear?
            A Space Invader.

186.   What do you call a fly that goes in a
       blonde's ear and can't find its way out?
            Lost in Space.

185.   What did the blonde say when asked, "Why is a stop light red?"
            "You'd be red too if you had to stop
            and go in the middle of street."

184.   Why did the blonde cut off her fingers?
            She wanted to learn how to write shorthand.

183.   Irritated Diner:  "Hey bitch, there's a footprint in my breakfast!"
       Blonde cook:  "Well, you ordered an omelet and told me to step on it!"

182.   Tour guide to gorgeous blonde:  "Do you like old ruins?"
       Blonde: "I certainly do.  I married that
            one being helped onto this bus."

181.   What is the distance between a blonde person's ears?
            Next to nothing.

180.   How do you recondition an aging blonde hooker?
            Shove a ten pound ham up her twat and pull out the bone.

179.   A blonde is outside when the garbage man comes up the
       drive way and asks her if there's "any garbage today?"
            The blonde answers, "We'll take three bags today."

178.   What's the difference between a blonde and an airplane?
            The Black Box ALWAYS tells the truth.

177.   How does a blonde screw in a light bulb?
            With lubricant.

176.   Why did the blonde take a large group
       of friends to the Movies with her?
            It said in the Movie Ad that under 17 were not admitted!

175.   What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
            A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

174.   What is the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
            You take your shoes off before you get on a trampoline.

173.   Why did the blonde get on the roof?
            She heard that drinks were on the house!

172.   How many blondes does it take to play tag?
            One.  (think about it)

171.   What is the difference between a blonde and bowling ball?
            You can only put three fingers in a bowling ball.

170.   Did you hear about the blonde newlywed?
            She wanted to fly United, but the stewardess wouldn't let them.

169.   Did you hear about the blonde old maid who died a virgin?
            She was still laid in her grave!

168.   Did you hear about the blonde who lost the breastroke swimming meet?
            She protested to the judges because the
            other women were using their arms!

167.   Where do blondes sit at a baseball game?
            The bleachers.

166.   Remember, if you have the choice between
       a blonde and a pet, a pet can be trained.

165.   A carnival barker offered to guess a blonde's age within 2 years.
       She told him she couldn't wait that long.

164.   Why did the blonde put her watch in the oven?
            She wanted to have a hot time.

163.   Why did the blonde sit on her watch?
            She wanted to be on time for once.

162.   Did you hear about the big fat blonde who was arrested at the
       Atlanta airport this week on suspicion of drug smuggling.
            They lifted up her skirt and found twenty-five pounds of crack.

161.   "Hot dog!" said the blond.  My wife just scheduled our next love
       fest on the calendar.  "When is the Twelfth of Never?" he asked.

160.   What is an blond man's idea of foreplay?
            [Taps wife on shoulder]  "Are you awake dear?"

159.   Did you hear about the blonde housewife?
            She bought her husband a toupee because she
            heard he was getting "bald" at the office.

158.   Brunette:  "Jack says he's related to you, and he can prove it."
       Blonde:    "Jack's a fool."
       Brunette:  "Well, yes, but that could be a coincidence."

157.   Blonde:    "I've lost my dog."
       Brunette:  "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
       Blonde:    "That wouldn't help.  My dog can't read."

156.   What do you call a blonde virgin?
            A mutant!

155.   Did you hear about the blonde who never learned to waterski?
            She couldn't find a lake with a slope!

154.   Lifeguard:  "I've been watching you, Miss," he says to the blonde,
           adding "and you'll have to stop urinating in the pool.
       Blonde:  "But everybody else urinates in the pool."
       Lifeguard:  "Not from the diving board!!"

153.   How can you tell a blonde is driving a station wagon?
            There'll be 2 kids running behind yelling, "WAIT MOM!"

152.   What's a blonde's version of safe sex?
            A padded headboard.

151.   What does a blonde with a good tan and a turkey have in common?
            The white meat is the best.

150.   What does a blonde says after 6 years of college?
            "Welcome to McDonalds.  May I take your order please?"

149.   Heard about the blonde who was fired from the orange juice factory?
            She couldn't learn to concentrate.

148.   What did the blonde's right knee say to her left knee?
            Nothing.  They never met!

147.   How does a blonde sink a submarine?
            She opens the hatch and sucks out the seaman.

146.   How did the blonde burn her ear?
            She answered the telephone while she was ironing!

145.   What did God tell the blonde?
            "Just play dumb till I get back."

144.   How do you get a blonde off her knees?
            Cum.

143.   Did you hear about the blonde who turned
       down a free vacation to Club Med?
            She thought you had to be a doctor to go.

142.   What is the difference between a blonde and a lawyer?
            You have to pay the lawyer to get screwed.

141.   Why was the blonde laughing while the man ripped her clothes off?
            She knew they'd never fit him.

140.   Why did the blonde laugh when the man reached into her bra?
            She knew her money was in her sock.

139.   What is the most common disease that blonds have?
            CRS - aka - Can't Remember Shit.

138.   What is the difference between fucking a blonde and a corpse?
            Nothing except for body temperature.

137.   Why are blondes similar to bells?
            They always have a dong in them.

136.   What do you call a blonde who sits on the grass?
            Smelly Fertilizer!

135.   How many blondes does it take to unclog a toilet?
            Three.  Two to hold her legs, and one to and suck.

134.   How are blondes like sperm?
            Only one in 10 million actually do anything productive.

133.   If a blonde had as many sticking out of her as she's
       had sticking in her, she'd look like a porcupine.

132.   What's the difference between a blonde and a carp?
            One's a scum sucking parasite and the other is a fish.

131.   Since the Clarence Thomas/Anita Hill hearings, video stores
       report their blonde customers have rented every copy of
       TREASURE ISLAND in the country!

130.   What did the blonde say when the gynecologist
       told her she had acute vaginitis?
            "Thanks Doc, you're not so bad looking yourself."

129.   Why do blondes eat so much salad?
            They eat like rabbits, too.

128.   What is the definition of 'Gross Ignorance?'
            144 blondes.

127.   How can you tell how hard a blonde is concentrating?
            By the size of the drool puddle on the floor!

126.   What do you call a blonde at the library?
            Lost!

125.   How do you drive a blonde crazy?
            Hide her hair brush!

124.   What's another name for virgin blonde?
            Crib Death!

123.   Did you hear about the blonde car pool?
            They all meet at work.

122.   Did you hear about the blonde bank teller?
            Someone brought in a toaster and she bought it!

121.   Why don't blondes play frisbee?
            It hurts their teeth when they catch it.

120.   What do blondes have printed on the top of their ladders?
            STOP!  (Need we explain that one to you?)

119.   Why couldn't the blonde bob for apples?
            Her brother was using the toilet.

118.   Why did the blonde sit on the bed with
       her legs spread while reading a book?
            Because it was easier to wet her fingers to turn the pages with.

117.   What says, "go/Stop! go/Stop! go/Stop! go/Stop?"
            A blonde enjoying her liquor.

116.   Why do brunettes and redheads make up blonde jokes?
            They've got nothing else to do on the weekends.

115.   What is 20/20?
            The IQ of blonde twins.

114.   Did you hear about the movie "Deep Thought"?
            It was true story of a blonde who's clitoris was all in her mind.

113.   Did you hear about the blonde who had an affair with her dentist?
            She had two pulled and one filled; and
            she didn't have to pay him anything!

112.   Did you hear about the blonde that thought
       Genitalia was an Italian airline...

111.   Did you hear about the blonde that lost her virginity?
            She still had the box it came in.

110.   Why can't a blonde count to 100?
            She gets a prick in her throat at 69.

109.   Why don't blondes buy douche bags?
            They can never find shoes to match.

108.   How can one tell when a blonde is a good cook?
            When the blonde serves the poptart in one piece!

107.   Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed with her?
            To see how long she slept!

106.   Why did the blonde put glue on her head?
            Because she thought it would help things stick in her mind.

105.   Why did the blonde try to put her car in the oven?
            Because she wanted a hot rod.

104.   Why did the blonde jump up and down on the letter?
            She heard that you have to stamp letters
            or the post office won't send them.

103.   Why did the blonde singer strike the phonograph record with a hammer?
            She wanted a hit record.

102.   What do you see when you look deep into a blondes eyes?
            Black roots.

101.   What did the blonde say after having multiple orgasms?
            "Way to go team!"

100.   Why don't blondes hang-glide?
            Because it gives them chapped lips!

 99.   How can you tell if there are blonde musicians at your front door?
            Nobody knows when to come in.

 98.   What does a blonde get when she mixes a Rooster with peanut butter?
            A cock that sticks to the roof of her mouth!

 97.   What do you say to a blonde woman with no arms and no legs?
            "Nice tits!"

 96.   Did you hear about the blonde who put a sign on her mouth?
            It said, "Open 24 hours a day."

 95.   Why do all blondes have their initials
       tattooed on the back of their hands?
            So they'll have a monogrammed handkerchief.

 94.   How can you tell if a blonde is horny?
            She'll have a pulse.

 93.   Why did NASA put a couple of blondes on the latest shuttle mission?
            To see if vegetables could grow in outer space.

 92.   If a dog is man's best friend, and diamonds are a
       girl's best friend, who is a blonde's best friend?
            Whoever is next.

 91.   A doctor was examining a young blonde girl.  He placed the
       stethoscope on her budding chest and said, "Big Breaths!"
       The young blonde smiled and answered, "Yeth, and I'm only 14!"

 90.   Why wouldn't the blonde buy Christmas Seals?
            She didn't know what to feed them.

 89.   How dumb are blondes?
            Even their wisdom teeth are retarded.

 88.   Brunette asking a blonde:  "Do you smoke after sex?"
       Blonde:  "No.  I use KY Jelly.  It really helps stop that burning."

 87.   Why is a blonde girl like an elephant at the zoo?
            They both roll on their back for peanuts.

 86.   What is a blonde in between two blackheads called?
            Oreo or the cream center.

 85.   Did you hear the one about the blind blonde prostitute?
            You really had to hand it to her, and she did a good job too.

 84.   Why did the blonde jump off the building?
            Because she thought she had a bunjee cord attached to her neck.

 83.   Why did the blonde rob McDonalds?
            Because she wanted a whopper.

 82.   Why did the blonde go to Burger King?
            Someone told her she could get a real Whopper there.

 81.   Why did the blonde take a hot shower?
            Because she was cold.

 80.   Why did the blonde look at her watch?
            Because she needed a second.

 79.   Why did the blonde buy a chihuahua?
            Because she wanted a guard dog!

 78.   Child to blonde mother:  "Mom?  What are kites made out of?"
            Blonde mother:   "Umm...gimme a second...I know!   Flypaper!"

 77.   Why did the blonde go to Hawaii?
            Because she wanted to see what snow looked like.

 76.   Why did the blonde eat a turkey sandwich?
            Because she wanted to be able to 'gobble gobble.'

 75.   Why did the blonde tip over a cow?
            Because she wanted ground beef.

 74.   What do blondes and cow shit have in common?
            The older they get the easier they are to pick up!

 73.   How did the blonde get hurt in a pie eating contest?
            A cow stepped on her head!

 72.   Did you hear about the blonde who thought
       Chocolate milk came from black cows?

 71.   Did you hear about the blonde who thought that Hugh Hefner was a cow?

 70.   Did you hear of the blonde who laid down under the cow and said,
       "Okay boys, I'm ready now, but not all at once."

 69.   Why do blondes never have the right driver's license?
            After an auto accident, you are supposed to "exchange" driver's
            licenses.  (But the manual never says to give them back again!)

 68.   What happened when the angry Blonde was
       going to blow the Brunnette's brains out?
            Nothing, she couldn't find a SILENCER for the straw.

 67.   Why did the blonde jump into the ocean?
            She wanted to get a wave in her hair.

 66.   Why do some blondes have difficulty lying?
            Because some blondes wear a "Cross-Your-Heart" bras.

 65.   Why do blondes have so much free time?
            Because so little is expected of them.

 64.   How do you keep a blonde baby amused?
            Give her a mirror and some makeup.

 63.   How does a blonde know that she's slept with an elephant?
            a.  The smell of peanuts on his breath,
            b.  She's pregnant for 23 months, and
            c.  The big 'E' on his pajamas.

 62.   Why did the blonde in jail try to catch the measles?
            So she would break out.

 61.   Why did the blonde go to the junkyard?
            She was looking for Chinese boats.

 60.   What does a blonde girl say when she is losing her virginity?
            "Get off me dad!  You're crushing my cigarettes!"

 59.   Did you hear about the blonde who became a bookkeeper?
            She has a lot of overdue library books now.

 58.   Why did the blonde comb her hair before going to bed?
            She wanted to make a good impression on her pillow.

 57.   Why did the blonde throw roses into the burning building?
            She heard that flowers grew better in hot houses.

 56.   A blonde going to London is on a plane.
       How can you steal her window seat?
            Tell her the seats that are going
            to London are all in the middle row.

 55.   Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
            The rest are hunt'n peckers.

 54.   Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped?
            Because as soon as they are put on their backs, their legs open.

 53.   What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
            Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.

 52.   What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
            You need a quarter to use the phone, or
            only one person can use the phone at once.

 51.   What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
            "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

 50.   How do you plant dope?
            Bury a blonde.

 49.   Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
            She was having sunny periods.

 48.   What does "Bones" McCoy say before he
       performs brain surgery on a blonde?
            "Space.  The final frontier..."

 47.   How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengals team?
            Just One... Boomer Esiason.

 46.   What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner?
            You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms.

 45.   Why did the blonde keep the freezer full of ice cubes?
            That's how she kept the refrigerator cold.

 44.   Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
            Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers, and
            their mothers told them not to talk with their mouths full.

 43.   How many blondes does it take to make a complete circuit?
            Two, one to stand in the bathtub, and
            another to pass her the blow dryer!

 42.   How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
            A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.

 41.   Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
            They're doing research on black holes.

 40.   Why did the blonde insist her man wear a condom?
            So she can have the doggie bag for later.

 39.   Why don't blondes double recipes?
            The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

 38.   What does a blonde make best for dinner?
            Reservations.

 37.   What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
            They pull up their pants.

 36.   What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
            Pregnant.

 35.   Why did the blonde always tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
            So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

 34.   Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
            She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

 33.   What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
            Frito-Lay (free-to-lay).

 32.   What kind of batteries do blondes use in their toys?
            Ever-ready.

 31.   What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
            They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

 30.   What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
            A vacant possession.

 29.   What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
            All you have to do is scratch the box to win.

 28.   What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
            About 2 cans of hair spray.

 27.   What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
            Perri-air

 26.   Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
            Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

 25.   When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
            When you have a patch kit and tire pump to reinflate it!

 24.   What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
            The Air Pump!

 23.   What's the difference between a lesbian finger-fucking
       a blonde and a Schwinn on the side of the road?
            One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . .

 22.   Why did the blonde baste her Turkey with Coppertone?
            She didn't want the turkey to burn!

 21.   Confucius say:
           "Blonde who fly upside down have dark hairy crack up."
           "Blonde not all blonde by cracky!"

 20.   Last night I went home to my blonde girlfriend, and told her I was
       going to screw her brains out.  Then I realized I was too late.

 19.   Did ya hear the one about the really stupid blonde purse snatcher?
            In a police lineup, the blonde purse snatcher steps
            up front and says 'yep, that's her alright.'

 18.   Why do so many blondes dye their hair roots a dark color?
            That's to confuse blond males.

 17.   What's the most important thing in a blonde's makeup kit?
            A paint roller.

 16.   Why do they refer to blondes as "Amazon Women?"
            Because they are wide at the mouth.

 15.   A blonde was watching a tennis match when
       a guy walked by and asked her,"Whose game?"
            "I am," she said the blonde.

 14.   Did you hear about the blonde who baked
       a sponge cake for her boyfriend?
            She used the wrong kind of sponges.

 13.   Two blondes were studying astronomy together.  "What's a comet?" asked
       one.   "I think it's a star with a tail," her friend answered.
       "Oh, I see, sorta like Benji huh?"

 12.   Never criticize an ugly blonde's figure.
            She might hold it against you.

 11.   Why did it take the blonde so long to cook the turkey?
            The recipe said to cook it for 30 minutes per
            pound and she weighed right at 115 pounds.

 10.   How are blondes like paint?
            Get them all stirred up, spread them a little
            and you can't get them off your hands.

  9.   What happens when you crack open a blonde's head?
            Absolutely nothing.    WARNING!   If done in an
            enclosed room it could blow the windows out.

  8.   Why do blondes shower until the hot water runs out?
            The shampoo bottle says, "Lather, rinse, and repeat!"

  7.   How do you get a divorce from a female blonde?
            Tell her the baby she had isn't hers.

  6.   Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath?
            She's still has not gotten all the hair off her tongue.

  5.   What do you call a blonde who uses to much contraceptive cream?
            A spermicical maniac.

  4.   The blonde was over heard at the little General Store, saying, "Why
       do you call this a general store if you don't sell generals here?"

  3.   Did you hear about the new deodorant spray for blondes?
           It is called SSY!   That's pussy with out the P U!

  2.   What did the blonde doctor say when her
       hands got cold after an operation?
            "Oh my gosh, I've left my gloves inside the patient!"

  1.   Did you hear about the blonde counterfeiter?
           Yeah, they caught her erasing zeros from 10 dollar bills.

  ---------------------------------[ END ]--------------------------------

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