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     Inside the Vindictive Mind and other Bedtime Stories for Children
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There is no greater feeling of pleasure than that gained through the act of
vengeance.  Whether you have just destroyed the cause of all your troubles,
or have become the source of someone elses, remember that revenge is, not
unlike cocaine, an addictive drug.  Once you start, it's very hard to stop.

Soon you will be assaulting the woman in the checkout line who refuses to
begin writing out her check until every item has been rung up.  And you
will find it very hard to keep yourself from dialing the White House
switchboard and in a serious manner warning Clinton "not to go to Dallas"
when you find out what he REALLY made on Whitewater.

Only then will you truly understand what a driving and motivational force
revenge can be.  It makes you do things that normally you would not even
consider doing - and it makes you enjoy them, too.

There are two main types of revenge:  Psychological and Physical.

Psychological revenge is that which is done to thwart the comfortable state
of mind of the target.  The target should be aware that some force is
actively working against him, but he should not be able to discern from
whence it is coming.  Anything that will cause the person to be uneasy or
cause him to be extra careful or paranoid is fitting for this category. In
my experience, I have found that such simple things as a blank piece of
ordinary paper being slid under the door of a target on a random basis is
well suited to cause them much mental anguish - especially if this person
is already involved in some less-than-legal transactions or other
practices.  There are many ways for this message to be translated, but
commonly the target will mentally equate the blank message with whatever it
is that he fears the most.  Combining the blank paper trick with some late
night wrong numbers or mysterious cars in the neighborhood will work
absolute wonders for wrecking the higher brain functions of a target and
riddling him with obsequiousness and caution.  Another way to cause
confusion and worry in a target is a bit more sardonic.  If you happen to
have the fortune of a target who has recently had a death in his close
family, sending black wreaths or "get well" messages from the recently
deceased to your target causes much apprehension.  My personal favorite
message to send is "wishing you were here".  Another way of interrupting a
person's capacity for lucid thought is to use their own pet against them.
Dogs really hate high pitched sounds and usually howl or at least bark when
they hear them.  Take a field trip to your local Radio Shack and make your
own small tone emitting device.  Be sure to get a crystal with a range
between about 14,000 to 20,000hz.  Once placed inside the target's house,
it will provide no end of fun, what with all the incessant barking and
those late night trips to the vet, just to make sure Bowser is really "ok".

Physical revenge presents a much greater element of danger to the active
participant.  You cannot hide behind paper or electronics when doing this
and must, at some point at least, expose yourself to some risk.  Physical
revenge does not necessarily mean that you beat someone up (though that is
no end of fun).  Physical revenge does mean that you cause bodily harm to
the target,  but no real personal contact is necessary for this to take
place.  For example, everyone has at some point in their lives placed an
upturned push-pin in someone elses seat.  Take this line of tactical
thinking a bit further.  Place a small dry-cell battery behind someone's
toilet and run two wires into the bowl.  You may either paint them white,
or run them into the back (covered) part of the toilet, making sure that
they both come in contact with the water.  Though rather crude and a bit
cruel, this method does work exceptionally well and provides hours of
entertainment and fun especially if installed in a public restroom or other
such place where your target (and many others) will frequent it.  This
method is also compatible with ANY target as relieving themselves is
probably one of the only constants in their lives.  Another devious and
more dangerous thing to do if you intend extreme physical harm, or even
fatality,  is to kindly make sure that your target's brake fluid is not
dirty or anything.  I'm sure the target would be upset if after driving for
two or three hours until his gas ran out (or he hit a small Mack truck), it
turned out that his brake fluid was grimy.  The only way I have figured out
to do keep this nasty affair from happening so far is just to drain it all
out.  Forgetting to put it back in or anything would be just too cruel for
even me.


This just about covers revenge and vindictiveness.  This article is by no
means all-encompassing and merely points out a few examples of the two
major ways of getting even.  In your endeavours, by all means try if at all
possible to be original.  Experiment with new things and ideas, and try to
find new ways to accomplish the same goals laid out earlier in this
article.  I will, however, lay out a few ground rules for your
experimentation.  These are for your own general safety:

Rule 1.  
        Never fight an inanimate object.  Also known as 'The Drunk Rule'.

Rule 2. 
        Never hit anyone below the belt, especially a black one earned in
        karate.

Rule 3. 
        Never try to break the end off a bottle if it's plastic or 
        disposable.

Rule 4. 
        Never hit anyone from behind.  People should be _kicked_ from
        behind.

Rule 5. 
        Remember... It's a form of social climbing to hit anyone bigger
        than you.

Rule 6. 
        When your opponent is down, never kick him in the teeth with your
        tennis shoes.  (Use riding boots)

Rule 7. 
        You should never point a loaded gun at anyone.  (This is not an
        absolutely rigid rule.  An absolutely rigid rule is:  Never, ever,
        point an _unloaded_ gun at anyone.)


                                                -Splice

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