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                       Why Memphis area BBS's suck 
                               By Einstein 

For ease of reading and classification purposes, this article is divided
into the following sections:

[1] Why Memphis area message bases suck
[2] Why Memphis area file bases suck
[3] Why Memphis area users suck
[4] Why Memphis area BBS's suck

If this offends you, you're exactly the sort of person I want reading this.

[1] Why Memphis area message bases suck

        This is a widely disputed topic between the users of Memphis.
There are many reasons why the message bases suck around Memphis.  The
first and most important reason is the lack of adequate teaching and
tutelage for new users that are just starting to call Memphis elite boards.
First of all, the definition of the word elite has been corrupted to an
intolerable level, and I'll explain the true meaning in another article in
this magazine.  Anyway, when young Johnny User starts calling boards around
Memphis, all he sees are flames, worthless old information, and more
flames.  There is no sharing of ideas, no intelligent conversation, no
cooperation between users, nothing.  Just arrogant asswipes who tout their
group's accomplishments and their own BBS's eliteness without end and young
users who are intent on asking for files, spreading rumors, or just being
morons.  This simply must stop.  When young Johnny User sees this, it's
only natural for him to emulate those juvenile actions to get attention and
to cement other's opinions of him and his actions.  It took me a year to
get on track, and it was only because of those willing to teach and my
willingness to listen that I in turn benefitted from their guidance. Thanks
Splice.

The way to make message bases better is not just to post. Posting messages
just to post them leads to lame bases which users (especially long distance
users) won't wish to scan through and post in. The basic problem is that
those users who know what they're doing take it upon themselves to hoard
that information and that advice and let young struggling users develop
their own (and almost always incorrect) ideas about what to post and what
to discuss.  My advice is:  share!  Become well acquainted with new users
and their ideas, and be sure to let them know what's up in the scene.  When
they're doing something wrong, let them know about it.  How you let them
know about it is entirely up to you.  But if I might make a suggestion,
viruses work wonders for "all-caps" posters. Also, when you're writing a
message, speak English.  Try to spell everything right and try not to use
extended ASCII.  Don't be cryptic and don't put Z's after everything.  By
the way, the word fun is not spelled "phun".  English use is very important
when trying to get your thoughts through correctly.  Flame wars are lame.
I can't say it enough, just stop that bullshit.  SysOps are actually making
BASES for this garbage. It's hard to believe that users are told that this
is what being 'elite' is about.  Sure, it's easy to fill up a flame base,
but if you really want to flame someone call a FidoNet board and get in on
that.  That should never have found it's way into the underground bases. If
you want revenge on someone or are just tired of their attitude, there are
many other ways to accomplish what you want.  I'm sure you can find
instances of this somewhere else inside this magazine.  Let me put it in
simple terms so that all can understand.  One word can sum up the problem,
the solution, and the methodology of this situation:  intelligence.

[2] Why Memphis area file bases suck

        Don't you hate it when there's nothing new on a board? When you
new-scanned for files you got a blank screen.  Now stop and ask yourself,
if you were a long distance user and you got that sort of response, would
you ever call that board again?  Would you really?  Well, this is the sad
state that many Memphis area local boards are in.  There's no advertising
for long distance users, since no one's calling long distance.  There are
no long distance users, because there's no advertising.  There are no new
files since all the decent files come from long distance, and there are no
decent boards since SysOps never have any new files.  A sad scenario,
wouldn't you say?  I speak as an outsider myself.  I live right outside of
Memphis, but am long distance from Memphis, and from what I've seen Memphis
file bases are almost always dead.  It's not the files that are in short
supply though, it's the good users who don't mind calling long distance to
supply new files.

[3] Why Memphis area users suck

        People in Memphis are just as smart as anywhere else, right? (Well,
yes and no, but that's another article altogether...) So why are Memphis
boards stocked with losers, people that only show up on a userlist and
never a top uploader or message poster screen.  People that are just
"there" for the ride or something.  Stagnant wastes of sperm that stop at
nothing to accomplish nothing and leave no one guessing as to what their
next move will be: logoff.  I have devised two flawless ways to take care
of the problem of users such as this: A handgun and a blacklist menu.  Now,
whichever option you choose, be aware that this person might retaliate in
some way, but don't worry about it too much.  If that person did nothing
while a user on your board, just think of how much less he'll do after he's
kicked off.

[4] Why Memphis area BBS's suck

        Please refer to the previous three parts of this article.  If your
BBS still sucks, it could be software choices or type of board.  By the
way, pirated games/utility boards have -never- lasted in Memphis.  If all
else fails, assume the obvious:  maybe it's just you.

A final note: 

        I would like to say something to all the users reading this and
thinking to themselves, "What a hypocrite".  All I can say to those who
choose not to read this objectively is:  I can see why it's hard for you to
not be objective.

                                                -Einstein

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