The Rules Of Dating: SEX
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Women like to have sex and can be fun and willing partners if you treat
them right.  But if sex is the entire goal, it's probably wise not to let
your date know it.

(1) FIRST DATE SEX?

Do not expect a woman to have sex until at least the third date.  If you
ask her to have sex on the first date, you are a jerk who is interested
only in her body.  If you wait until the forth date, you're a jerk
because she will think you're not interested in her body.

(2) HOW TO HAVE FUN ON A SECOND DATE.

Guess what?  Most likely, you will have to settle for "groping", which
Mum refers to as petting.  If you made it into a woman's room and have
persuaded her to make out with you, follow her lead when proceeding to
second base.  Groping must be done purely for fun.  Enjoy it for what it
is: incomplete.  Be good at it!  It'll make a third date a lot more
realistic.

(3) A MEDITATION ON ORAL SEX

Women will often feel more comfortable letting things get a bit out of
hand on the third date.  You'll either get laid or you'll get a blow
job.  Don't push it.  Understand that for women, it is often preferable
to fuck someone rather than to stick's one's nose in the crotch of a
person one barely knows.  Confused?  Just close your eyes and count your
blessings.

(4) CONDOMS - A PRIMER

Always carry a condom.  Never talk about it.  If things are getting hot
and heavy, carefully choose the moment to brandish a condom.  In fact, if
you whip out a condom at the wrong moment, she may sit up and start
dressing.  When using hers, do not complain about the brand.  When using
yours, refrain from offering her a selection of textures, colors or flavors.
It is better to tie a used condom in a knot and put it in your pocket
than to leave it in plain view at the bottom of her wastebasket.

(5) ADVICE

Do not, under any circumstances, refer to your penis by a proper name
such as Bill, Junior or the Pupster.  Do not refer to it as Mr. Happy or
as a pronoun.  Example: "Look, he likes you".  This is probably what
pushed Mrs. Bobbitt over the edge.

Always hold a woman for at least half an hour after sex if you want to
ever sleep with her again.  It's OK to fall asleep only if she does
first.

Always call the day after you've had sex with a woman if your want to
sleep with her again.

(6) REMEMBER

I hope that you will find these rules helpful in navigating through the
new era in dating.  If you master them, everyone will be happier and your
sex life will be more fulfulling.  Keep in mind that anything goes, if
two people feel conected to each other.  If there's no chemistry, move on.

Above all, don't lose hope.  My best advice: Play hard, play fair.  The
next move is yours.

Any questions? Comments? Objections? Additons? Please feel free to e-mail
me.  Women readers, please respond, I need your opinions and feedbacks!

