                WOMAN CHOPS OFF SLEEPING HUSBAND'S PENIS
                     THEN DROPS IT FROM MOVING CAR!

            Dont' laugh, it's true and could happen to you.

Right now, thousands of agitated, irate women have read that headline
and are contemplating similar action against you next time you make an
unwanted sexual advance, look at them the wrong way, or just piss them
off in general.

                  MEN, protect yourself NOW!!!

If you found yourself a victim of CDS (CHOP and DROP SYNDROME) could you
be sure the appropriate authorities would find your chopped member in
time and fine it intact?  Could you be sure the penis they found was
yours? (think about it.)

       Inquire NOW about our low cost PENIS PROTECTION PLANS

        1. We'll register your penis and scrotum and tatto them with your
own unique registration number insuring that in case of separation you
will get what is yours.  We guarantee a perfect match every time.

        2. JURASSIC PRICK PROGRAM: We'll take a cell sample from your
penis and clone replacement parts for you in event a tractor-trailer runs
over your penis or some wild animal mistakes your detached member for a
chew toy. (Sorry, size enhancements cannot be guaranteed.)

        3. For those of you who believe in prevention, we offer a "one
size fits all" battery operated stainless steel jock strap that can be
worn when you may be in doubt of your partner's mood. When you're
asleep, an alarm will be activated when metal or any other hazardous
objects come within a foot of the jockstrap.  This will guarantee you
a full night's sleep... free of worry.*

                        DON'T GET CAUGHT SHORT...

                       CALL 1-800-SAV-ADIK TODAY

* prices may vary according to size.


